My Buns are Burning

Toto Ltd., the leading toilet maker in Japan, is offering free repairs for bidet toilets that apparently catch fire. I think they are missing a great marketing opportunity, personally. Here's the full article: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18131541/

In a surprising statement by the company spokeswoman, it was revealed that "The fire would have been just under your buttocks." That really assumes that you were using the bidet correctly, though, doesn't it. Crocodile Dundee was about half convinced that a bidet was some fancy water fountain, so I imagine it could have singed his goatee. That really misses the marketing opportunity, though.

Right now the company is so focused on their pulsating massage spray, power dryer, "Tornado Wash" flush, and automatic lids that they are thinking that this is a problem to be fixed. They are so focused on avoiding any fires near customers' buttocks that they are closing their eyes to a whole new marketplace: Frat Houses.

Just imagine how fast drunken frat boys would be buying up flaming bidets. No more accidental eyebrow burning. No more funky smelling hands and cigarette lighters. They were going to be trying to set farts on fire anyway, why not have an automated fart lighting system installed right there on the ground floor? It would be perfect for those late night beer guzzling bashes, and it's so much classier when the Sorority girls come over to say you regularly use a bidet than to say that you regularly light your farts. You've just got to hope that when she returns from the restroom and says, "There was a slight burning sensation," that she's talking about the bidet and not something you're going to have to live with the rest of your life.