Of all the great things that man has accomplished in his tenure on earth none can equal whatever act comes after the phrase, "hold my beer for a sec." Whenever you hear those words uttered, especially with the often heard sub phrase, "this is gonna be hilarious," you know that something great is about to transpire. We have all heard that the wheel, fire, electricity, and paved roads may be the greatest discoveries in the history of the world, but when you look back on them, aren't they just obvious things waiting to be harnessed. There's no real challenge there. For truly great discovery, you need a case of Bud Light, a video camera, and YouTube.
Fortunately, this recent discovery was not captured on YouTube.
http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/dn/latestnews/stories/051408dnmetitch.f81a31c3.html
After a few beers and a very short test, mankind has discovered that revolvers are not intended to be used for back scratching. That's right, I said back scratching.
As this article reports, a man right here in DFW was "drinking beer" (no surprise there) and "playing poker" (I'm pretty sure that's illegal in Texas) when he got an itch on his back. Presumably, there were other people in the room since he was playing poker, but since he was also drinking beer I think we have to allow for the possibility that his opponents were imaginary. Regardless, when he felt the urge to scratch, he put down his beer and reached for the closest thing he could find, which was a revolver.
Okay, I'll admit to having played poker a few times, and I'll admit to having to having had a beer or two in my day. I'll even admit to having a "hold my beer for a sec" moment once or twice in my life. I can't say that I've ever been in a situation where my best option for scratching my back was a revolver. What kind of poker were these guys playing that he needed to pack heat? Would none of his friends help him scratch his back? There wasn't a TV remote, empty beer can, or any other option besides a firearm?
If any of you ever see my trying to scratch my back, please offer to help. And if that's too much to ask, at least offer me something to scratch with that doesn't fire high velocity projectiles.
But let's picture the situation here. The guy feels an itch, so he reaches back to scratch. He can't quite reach it. So far I'm tracking. I've been in this situation. He looks around for a solution and finds a revolver nearby. Was it in his waistband? Laying on the coffee table? Who knows? The point is, he shoves it down his shirt and starts to scratch when all of a sudden he shoots himself. He tells his buddies what happened and they don't believe him until they see blood. Finally, he's patched up at the ER and sent home with "non-life-threatening injuries." How many things are wrong with this story?
We've already covered the obvious, why would you scratch with a firearm question. Let's look deeper. If you did find yourself needing to scratch with a firearm, why would you use one that's loaded? And even if you had to do that, why would you use one that was cocked? And let's say that you had absolutely no choice but to use a loaded and cocked firearm to scratch your back, would you put your finger anywhere near the trigger? I didn't think so.
Setting all of that aside, the guy shot himself and then told his buddies what happened. Does anyone else find it strange that they didn't believe him? What kind of party was this? How did they not hear the shot? I'm thinking the music was either up way too loud or they were doing something besides drinking beer and playing poker. Something just doesn't add up to me.
I just hope that I don't ever find myself in a situation where my back starts itching while I'm drinking a beer and walking through a munitions depot. I'd probably never come out of there alive. Hey, those hand grenades look pretty rough, I'll be that would feel good on my back.
