Gender Testing

Until just now, I had no idea that there was even such a thing as gender testing. Even more amazing, though, I had no idea that one could fail a gender test. It's not that unthinkable that someone would fail a math test, spelling test, or even a driving test (I did that once upon a time myself), but a gender test? How exactly do you fail a gender test?

According to a recent article from BBC News (http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/6188775.stm) an Indian woman (?) athlete managed to do just that. The article says that she has been stripped of her silver medal (among other things in the name of this test) from the Asian Games. Amazingly, this is not the first gender test that she has been through. She passed one at the Asian track and field championship in South Korea last year where she also won silver.

So what's different this time? Did she forget to study? Was this an essay test instead of the multiple choice exam they gave in South Korea? Did she just not get a good breakfast? They always say to eat a good breakfast before you take a major exam.

Details on the test itself are rather sketchy in the article, but they did point out that it involved a gynecologist, an endocrinologist, and a psychologist. Now, I can see where the first two of those are pretty objective about the parts and pieces and how they work, but I wonder how the psychologist plays into the mix. I imagine that they ask deeply probing questions like:

1. Shopping is…
   
   1. A fascinating experience that is even better when shared.
      
   2. A method used to extract secrets from terrorists.
      
2. What does "nothing is wrong" mean?
   
   1. Start guessing and apologizing or I'll kill you in your sleep.
      
   2. Oh crap.
      
3. The best time for sex is…
   
   1. When your mood and your schedule are right.
      
   2. Do you wanna? I've got a few minutes.
      
4. When you observe a man doing a simple task, you think…
   
   1. That frickin' baboon is doing it wrong and ruining everything.
      
   2. Why would I watch a man do a simple task?
      
5. When a man doesn't notice your new hair color it means…
   
   1. He no longer loves you.
      
   2. Hair has different colors?
      
6. After a man explains the undeniable logic of his point of view…
   
   1. It proves that he just doesn't get it.
      
   2. Case closed!
      
7. Your reaction to this test is…
   
   1. Bastard!
      
   2. Ha ha! You're dead, dude.
      

Sample test slightly modified from Scott Adams blog on this same topic.

10 Most Dangerous Toys

You really should read the original article for this. I certainly can't write this up any better than Paige Ferrari, but if you don't have the time, enjoy my excerpts from the original. Note that "we excluded BB guns, slingshots, throwing stars, and anything else actually intended to inflict harm."

The List

1. LAWN DARTS – "Removable parts? Suffocation risk? Lead paint? Pussy hazards compared to the grandaddy of them all…If they happened to land in your skull, well, then you should have moved."
   
2. GILBERT U-238 ATOMIC ENERGY LAB – "For a mere $49.50, the kit came complete with three 'very low-level' radioactive sources…It's unclear what effects the Uranium-bearing ores might have had on those few lucky children who received the set, but exposure to the same isotope – U-238 – has been linked to Gulf War Syndrome, cancer, leukemia, and lymphoma, among other serious ailments. Even more uncertain is the longterm impact of being raised by the kind of nerds who would give their kid an Atomic Energy Lab."
   
3. MINI-HAMMOCKS FROM EZ SALES – "…children spending an afternoon like Gilligan became entangled in the net and strangled to death. That's what happens when you spend $4 on a hammock."
   
4. SNACKTIME CABBAGE PATCH DOLLS – "It chewed for chewing's sake. With no mechanism to turn off the munching should trouble arise, it was only a matter of time before some cherub's long blonde hair got caught in the doll's rabid jaws."
   
5. SKY DANCERS – "When spun aloft, the wings – which felt so soft and cushy in the aisles of Toys 'R' Us – turned into steely-hard child manglers…over 150 children fell prey to Sky Dancer's helicopter-blade arms and erratic 'Oh-Jesus-it's-chasing-me!' flying patterns."
   
6. BAT MASTERSON DERRINGER BELT GUN – "…[A] two-in-one combo that took care of all your pants-securing needs with the option every ten-year-old dreams of: the ability to shoot caps at groin level...Every young boy needs to learn the valuable lesson of always protecting his nether regions, with force if necessary, but given the positioning of the Derringer, the owner's greatest enemy might have actually been puberty."
   
7. CREEPY CRAWLERS – "Nothing says safety like an open hot plate. And nothing says fun like using that open hot plate to create molten, rubbery insects you can throw at your sister while narrowly avoiding setting the house ablaze."
   
8. JOHNNY REB CANNON – "For only $11.98, young rebels got a cannon, six cannon balls, a ramrod, and a rebel flag. What better way to permanently maim your little brother while spreading valuable lessons about states' rights?"
   
9. BATTLESTAR GALACTICA MISSILE LAUNCHER – "It takes just a few jabbed eyes, some torn intestines and the death of a child to bring down a party…"
   
10. FISHER-PRICE POWER WHEELS MOTORCYCLE – "Eager youngsters who gunned the throttle found that it often stayed gunned…the child on the motorcycle was then taken on a hellish, intestine-twisting scream ride. At one point, he or she would face choices unthinkable except in an Evel Knievel meets Knightrider crossover episode: Do I jump? Or do I ride it out and see if I can clear the gully? Is it sentient? Can it be reasoned with?"
    
11. (Honorable Mention) MANLEY TOYS DISCO LIGHT – "The brightly-colored disco ball cost 1,500 Chuck E. Cheese tickets. For the average skee-baller, that adds up to about 15 months of play at a cost of approximately $20,000…When left on too long, the ball's multicolored sides begin to melt. The plastic goop then slides down to your shag carpet, creating a foul smelling inferno of plastic, hair, and light bulb filament…The real danger here is probably less to dancing children than to the transfixed pot smoker."

She Uses Her Fingers

Since Dad and Lynn will be in Utah on Christmas Day, this past Saturday, we had several relatives over the house to celebrate Christmas with them. We had arranged beforehand to meet at my house around 11:30am so that we could eat by noon, and a little past 11:00 we got a call from Dad saying they were on their way from Allen. I wasn't really sure why they were coming from Allen since they live in The Colony (yes, that's a real TX city), but Caci clarified that Dad had to stop and get a haircut.

Still I was perplexed. Allen is a good 30 minutes from The Colony and there are probably 50 places to get a haircut between his house and wherever he went in Allen. "Why go all the way to Allen?" I wondered aloud, and Caci was prepared with the answer. It seems that she had asked the same question already and had received assurance that the hairstylist in Allen was the best for Dad.

"She uses her fingers," Caci said.

"Huh?" I know that's what you thought, too. "She uses her fingers for what?"

"I don't really understand either," Caci said. "I'm just passing along what Lynn told me."

Is Dad getting his hair cut by Edna Scissorhands? Or is she plucking each hair out one by one? Or is it neither and the dull edges of her fingers are the reason that he's running late.

Apparently, it takes a while to cut hair when you're using your fingers, and for good reason: you've got to mash the hair repeatedly until the heat generated begins to break down the molecular structure of the hair and allows for a clean break leaving a more natural look than barbaric, sharp-edged tools can provide. It takes years of practice and skill to accomplish this feat without leaving behind dead or split ends not to mention the painstaking detail of getting all the hair cut to an even length. I can't really afford that high-end of a stylist, so I just stick to the lady down the street and a set of clippers. Sure my hair looks like it's been cut after I leave there, but at least it's still the same day as when I went in.

Caci and I still aren't sure what's really special about using your fingers to cut hair, but we sure did enjoy laughing about it.