Why Do We Do It?

Two related articles caught my eye this week, and they are both related to sex. I know it's surprising that a guy would be interested in articles about sex. I'll bet someone somewhere did a study to find out that articles on sex would at least get men to think about reading. Whether they did or not, I don't know. What I do know is that someone did a study on why we have sex.

http://www.nbc5i.com/health/13796065/detail.html?rss=dfw&psp=news

Amazingly, the researchers discovered that the top reasons for both men and women included words like "pleasure," "feels good," and "horny." I thought it was really surprising that there are basically no people having sex for the sake of making babies. I guess that tells us something about how far we've come as a society.

In the old days, Ma and Pa were getting it on because Pa was tired of having to walk behind that "dadburn mule" all day long and Ma was sick and tired of doing all the "warshin" on her own. Sure it took more food to feed the hungry little buggers, but that was a small price to pay for being able to rest your feet every once in a while. And when I look at some of the pictures of the old days, I can't imagine any of the words used to describe sex today would come into play.

I think it must really take commitment to the species to get frisky with someone that doesn't have running water (translation = no bath in a month, and no idea how to use a razor). Really, I think the overarching reason that so many people are having sex now is the invention of indoor plumbing and shaving cream. Without that, the species may well have died out with the wagon train.

Of course, there's no accounting for taste, which brings us to the second article.

http://www.nbc5i.com/news/13813001/detail.html?rss=dfw&psp=nationalnews

Apparently, not everyone was surveyed in the article on why people have sex, and animal torture must have just missed the list. This couple, since they obviously can't be content to keep their privates private, have been arrested for torturing animals during sex. I'm not going to be real picky about the details here, because let's face it, animals, sex and torture is not a combination that I really want to hear a lot of details about. I did, though, pick up a few phrases, so I know that a video camera was involved and that the animals ended up dead.

I imagine that forcing animals to watch crazy people hump like wild animals may have driven the frog, chameleon, and parakeet involved in this crazy little game to commit the first animal mass suicide. That just seems so much more likely to me than the accusation that this couple killed them while having sex. I mean, doesn't everyone want to do the nasty in front of their pets?

Seriously, the bigger question is, what are the odds? What are the odds that two people that are both into sex, torture, and animals happened to meet and get married? I don't even know how you would bring that up in conversation. Were they both at a crazy, animal sex/funky torture, singles bar when they met? It's just wrong on so many levels as to defy my comprehension.

Just so everyone knows, I'm not into torture, but I do enjoy animals (as pets, not sex toys) and of course, I like to do "it" every once in a while for many of the same reasons as the rest of you. And if it were any different, there's no way I'd tell you.