Redneck Games

I can't really add anything to this. It's too funny on it's own:

http://www.nbc5i.com/news/13850604/detail.html?rss=dfw&psp=news

Oh. Okay. I'll try.

The article says that Oscar Still – we'll call him "Moonshine" – organized the Redneck Games somewhere southeast of Dallas. Apparently, one of the rules is that "Being a Redneck is allowed….Ignorance is not." I'm not really sure that sentence makes much sense to me. I thought the two went hand in hand. Ignorance and redneck, I mean. And, apparently, with all the citations and arrests that occurred at this latest Redneck Games, they didn't do a very good job of outlawing ignorance in the first place.

I'm more interested in the games that were supposedly played at this event. For example, an ugly "butt-crack contest?" First of all, who wants to be a judge for that? And second of all, how do you judge that? "Whoa! Bubba, you got some serious dingle berries there, man! You know that's illegal. You can't have any decoration in your butt-crack!" And what's the prize for winning the contest? Toilet paper or a hair removal system?

Or how about the "Mattress Chunk" in which two teams race to drink a case of beer, then drive a truck, and then see who can throw a mattress from the truck the farthest. It wasn't clear whether the truck was still moving during the throwing phase or not, but I imagine that after the case of beer there were a lot of variations anyway. Of course, I also imagine that after a case of beer and driving across a muddy field, the "Chunk" part of this game may not have been referring to tossing the mattress.

Finally, they also had a "Daisy Duke Show-Off" for women in cut-offs. My guess, though, is that that part of the games wasn't scheduled until after everyone had had at least one case of beer, and was a welcome relief for the butt crack judges.

The neighbor says that just having this going on across the street is destroying his life. I say, as long as it going down the drain, you might as well go across the street and have some fun with it.