First of all let me just say that until I read this article, I had no idea that there are actually people out there called "toilet-paper researchers." Now that I know, I'm wondering how you end up in such a career. Is this considered a promotion from arm-pit sniffer? Or is it just the entry point on your way to hemorrhoid cream tester?
Are there kids out there right now that, if asked, would say they want to grow up and study toilet paper? I've got a couple of kids that like to play with the stuff. Maybe that's how it starts. A simple fascination with the idea of, "How did they get it all on that roll so straight?" The next thing you know, you're kid is standing in a bathroom stall with a clipboard and stopwatch asking people how their ***s feel.
Don't laugh. It's a dangerous job that could lead to a lot of misunderstanding, especially in certain airports known to be frequented by members of Congress. And, as I understand these things, if you inadvertently start tapping your foot while waiting for feedback, watch out. You might just start making new friends.
However it happens, there are people out there serving the public interest as toilet-paper researchers, and they have recently made a breakthrough. The 3-ply toilet paper sheet has apparently been an elusive goal, and they have finally determined that really all they needed was one more ply. That really didn't seem too complicated to me, but I'm not an expert in toilet-paper research.
The more puzzling thing to me is that the target market for the breakthrough 3-ply tissue is "women 45 and older who view their bathroom as a 'sanctuary for quality time.'" Huh?? Ladies, please tell me. Is there something going on in there while we are waiting on you to get ready that we need to know about? And why in the world would it take 3-ply tissue? And what in the world does "sanctuary for quality time" mean?
If you're getting your quality time with the bathroom furnishings, then you might need more help than 3-ply tissue can offer. Let's just leave it at that.
Personally, I'd like to see the toilet-paper researchers do something productive like answer the question of why there's never any toilet paper in the bathroom when you really need it.
1 comment:
I've got the answer! At your house it is because you live with 5 women and girls just used more toilet paper and if they are like me I don't remember to replace it until someone is yelling at me from the bathroom that it is out and they need some NOW! The problem at my house is that I live with 4 males and 3 of them think it is nice to leave the roll of the floor when they are done for the dogs to chew up and get everywhere. I know you are asking yourself why would they be holding the roll anyways and if you really have to ask why our toilet paper holder is not still attached to the wall then you don't know what living with 3 little boys is like!
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