Seriously…Can You Count?

Okay, okay. I know that some of you are wondering if I died and went home to be with the Lord. Maybe some of you were hoping. Either way, I am still here, I've just had a crazy busy summer.

Things got started off with VBS in June during which I was slimed and tasked with mixing together odds and ends from the kids' pantries for our youth minister to eat. I couldn't even stand the smell much less watch him "drink" the nasty concoction. The summer continued with a trip to Colorado to visit family and friends. We had a great visit with everyone. After that it was summer camp. I went to pre-teen camp (3^rd-5^th grade) for a week with our children's ministry. Of course, it was the hottest week of the year (or so it seemed), but we still had a fantastic time with the kids. Then we followed that up with Abbie's birthday, my birthday, Mom's birthday (today…Happy Birthday, Mom), and Reagan's birthday Sunday. It's been crazy.

In spite of all that, I do have a story hidden away as Windy recently guessed.

A week or so ago a couple of my coworkers and I were discussing where to go to lunch. The important thing for you to remember here is that it was a couple of coworkers and me. That means that there were three of us in case you went to that other Texas University and can't do simple math.

Here's the deal. One of my coworkers is on a diet right now, so after we determined that she only wanted to get a salad and after we determined that it had to be a salad that did not contain shredded lettuce (salad snob), we decided that she needed to pick the restaurant. Guess what she picked. I'll bet you're wrong. We ended up at Snuffers.

For those of you not familiar with DFW cuisine, Snuffers is a high-class (if you consider anything nicer than an outhouse high class) eatery specializing in the finest gourmet foods (if you consider cheese fries with bacon, ranch, and extra cheese gourmet). Seriously, it's like a hole in the wall hamburger joint that's known for being able to serve you lunch and a heart attack in less than an hour. Where most restaurants have a couple of drink stations on the floor to keep tea and water for refilling glasses, Snuffers has defibrillation machines on wheels for quick access. It's the obvious choice for someone on a diet and looking for a salad.

As is common, we ordered cheese fries with all the fixings for the table. The waiter, of course, asked to confirm whether we wanted those before our burgers or with our meal, and we told him that we would prefer to have them beforehand. And like most people, we got to visiting while we waited on our food.

Some time passed, and we asked the waiter about our cheese fries. "They're coming right out, don't worry," he assured us.

We visited some more. Some more time passed. We asked again. "The manager is back there right now. I don't know what's messed up, but they'll be right out," he said.

We visited some more. Are you seeing a pattern here? We asked again. "Look, I don't know how the manager got this all messed up, but I'm going to straighten this out. I'll be right back."

Cool. This waiter seems kind of impressive. He's going to bat for us against the manager, and he's determined to provide great service. A few minutes later (about 45 minutes since we were seated) our burgers were delivered.

"Great job, waiter. Where are our cheese fries?" We all wondered.

"SNAP! I'll get them right now," he responded, and off he rushed. When he returned, he delivered ranch dressing for my coworkers salad. Still no cheese fries.

We're starting to notice that pretty much everyone else in the room has cheese fries, and we don't. And then it happened. We were just finishing our burgers and the booth behind me was seated. Two guys. Different server. Apparently, they ordered cheese fries as an appetizer because about 90 seconds later, they had a fully loaded platter of "heart attack waiting to happen". "Are these guys serious?" I asked my coworkers. "I'm going to stop that server the next time he comes over and ask him to get us some cheese fries since he is apparently the only person around here that knows how."

He actually didn't come back by. Our server did, and I asked him about the situation at the booth behind us. Again he blamed it on the manager and asked if I wanted to speak with him. "That'd be a good idea," I assured him.

At this point, we have all completely finished our meals and the check is on the table. We're not paying it, though, until we get the cheese fries situation resolved. When the manager finally found time to take a break from screwing up the kitchen, he stopped by the table, and he didn't even have to ask how our meal was. He already knew.

He started right in with, "I don't really know how your server totally screwed up your cheese fries order. She may have lost the ticket or something. I just know that she keeps pestering me about one of her tables needing cheese fries in a hurry." Do you see the same problems that I'm seeing here? First off, the guy doesn't even know that our server is male. Second, he's throwing his own server under the bus in front of customers. Third, he's admitted that he's known for a while that there is a problem, and he hasn't done anything about it.

Poor guy. He was in over his head. Probably his first time managing a lunch shift. Oh well. You gotta learn sometime.

I just said, "That's all fine, but we still don't have cheese fries, and we're already done with our meal. At this point, we just want to know how you're going to make this right."

He left the table to get us some coupons for free cheese fries, which I thought was fair enough at the time, and we waited and waited until he finally returned. Here's the deal. The guy came back with his business card and he wrote on the back "2 cheese fries, 2 burgers, next visit" and signed it.

I looked at the card, and I looked at him. I said, "Exactly how do you think this is going to do me any good?"

Surprised he said, "Well, you get free cheese fries the next time you're here, and I just threw in free burgers, too."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. This guy seriously thought I was getting a good deal, so I resorted to laying it out in plain English. "Can you count?" I asked. "How many people are at this table?"

One of my coworkers about choked on her water at that point trying not laugh out loud at the guy. "Three," he said.

"Okay, so how does 2 cheese fries and 2 burgers sound reasonable for a table of 3 people?" I queried. "Am I supposed to pick which of my friends gets screwed on this deal?"

Frustrated by his own stupidity and inability to count any higher than two, he huffed, "Well, I just don't know how I'm going to make you happy."

I snapped back, "Well, you better figure out something because right now we've got a chance to make a deal. I'm the good guy here. If I let my coworker here start talking, I can't help you anymore. She's already fuming, and if she starts chewing on you, you'll be begging for milder forms of torture like water-boarding, bamboo shoots under your nails, or caning. Pretty much anything that doesn't include verbal abuse." Okay, I didn't really say that, but it sure would've sounded good. The truth is I calmly responded, "Look, this is real easy. Take care of our meal today, and we'll all be good."

"Alright. That's fine," he snipped, and then he held out his hand and looked at me with an expression of expectation. He thought I was going to give back the coupon for a free meal next time.

I just shook my head. "Oh, I don't think so. This is for pain and suffering."

Right about that time, just as we are standing up to leave, an errand boy from the kitchen comes to our table to deliver…you guessed it…cheese fries. We couldn't stand it anymore. We left laughing at the whole situation.

I've still got the card sitting on my desk right now. One of the three that was with us is out on vacation tomorrow, so the two of us that are left may go take advantage of that tomorrow. Hopefully, that same manager is not on duty.