I have friends and family that live in Colorado, and they all tell me that it is a wonderful place to live. They claim that the weather is nice, the humidity is low, and the bugs that we deal with in Texas are non-existent. They say that even though it snows, it's only around long enough for the kids to have fun, and they say that you absolutely can't beat the scenery. I don't think they are telling the whole truth, though.
You see, here in the DFW area, we do have to deal with high heat, humidity, mosquitoes, and fire ants, but the biggest choice in my toddler's life is picking between Chuck E. Cheese and McDonalds for a birthday party. My wife and I, just like everyone else in our neighborhood, raise our kids in a pretty safe world where they run and play with the neighbor kids all along our street. And I'm pretty sure that my kids have no idea what a gang is.
Apparently, that's not the case in Colorado. No, as a matter of fact, while parents in Texas are potentially arguing about where to have their baby christened (or dedicated), the parents in Colorado are fighting about much more weighty issues: which gang will our child claim?
I didn't know it was that big of deal, but for a couple in Commerce City, Colorado, it's huge. And we all know that it wouldn't be such a big deal to them if it wasn't important in their community. And if it's important in their community, then it must be a big deal throughout the state. Don't you love that Democrat logic I just threw in? I learned that from the last Clinton speech I watched (one guy she met needed health insurance, therefore everyone needs government health insurance). By the way, Commerce City is just north of Denver, so it's practically in the backyard of everyone I know in Colorado. I bet they hear gunfire and sirens every night, and they just don't tell me because they don't want to scare me away from visiting.
Obviously, this is a big issue in Colorado. Based on the news article, it sounds like a temporary peace was forged through an intermarriage of the Crips and the Westside Ballers. It's almost like Medieval Europe, except for the never-ending wars. Well, okay, it's just like Medieval Europe. The two gangs were joined through marriage, but now they have to decide which gang their child is going to claim. I guess it never occurred to them that (1) he might not want to be in a gang – granted this is unlikely given the obvious prevalence of gangs in Colorado, (2) he might choose on his own one day – you can't let kids make their own decisions about this kind of stuff, that could lead to alcohol and drug use, or (3) he might start his own gang, the Cripside Lobbers – there are lots of country clubs in Colorado; he'll be the king of the tennis courts.
The good news is that the father was arrested and jailed for causing a huge public disturbance during his fight with his wife, so we at least know that the child has a good role model at home. There's no way that you can mature into a contributing member of gang society if you don't have your own personal felon to look up to.
So, to all my Colorado friends, what gangs are you pushing your kids to join? I want to make sure I wear the right colors when I come to visit.
4 comments:
the news service allows these stories out of Colorado to continue keeping the population from growing too large. We believe that if too many people buy into the "no bugs, sunshine most days, beautiful snow capped peaks," propaganda out there we will be over run with Texans. (which by the way is a possibility - there are nearly as many Texan transplants here as there are Aspen trees - which are also beautiful). The only way we have found to combat such an occurrence is to publish scary stories about gangs and gang violence. surprisingly gun toting Texans fear Colorado color wearing teens. As a bit of trivia: remember Colorado's slogan... Colorful Colorado - and the conspiracy keeps on growing - it sounds like it is still working - despite the Noah like flooding and twisters you have had!
Leah and the kids are welcome anytime though - we might have to vote to allow you in.
LOL! Awesome!
And I know what you mean about Texans in Colorado. The last time I was there, I saw more Texas license plates than Colorado plates on the vehicles. I guess you guys have been quietly calling us in for defense.
Well, I didn't want to let it out, but because the Westside Ballers has a 5 year waiting list we'll probably end up in the other. A good gang is so hard to get into these days. We practice "shooting the signs" every night. Andy's getting pretty good.
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