HoneyDo

Nearly every husband in the world has a HoneyDo list somewhere that they are constantly working on, and nearly every one of those lists contains a line item that reads something like "Kill Bugs!" It doesn't matter if you actually have bugs in your house or not. If you do, then it means to kill the ones that are there and don't let any new ones in. If you don't, then it means to kill the bugs outside so they can't get ever get in. Either way it's the man's mission.

Some men approach this as the CEO of their home. They hire the lowest bidding pest control company they can find in the yellow pages, or at least the first pest control company that they find. Other men approach this as the General Manager of their homes. They head down to the Home Depot or some other pest supply store and find all of the traps and pesticides necessary to do a good job and create a virtual barrier to the outside world of six-legged critters. Virtual red tape you could say. Finally, the last few men left approach this more like the Temp Receptionist for the day and just do what it takes for now because no one worries about tomorrow until its tomorrow.

This last group might make some dramatic display with a shoe as they squish the one bug that they saw today not ever considering the others that might be hiding in the dark, they might take a deft swipe with a fly swatter at the flying insects as if they were practicing for their next round of racquetball, or they might set their house on fire. Because not only is fire a dramatic way to end a bug's life, it also has a tendency to get into those hard to reach corners where the little critters like to hide.

There are definitely some major drawbacks to the fire approach: water damage from trying to extinguish the flames, smoke inhalation, possible death, potential arson charges, and of course, fire damage. None of these are to be taken lightly, but if you've tried everything else and you just can't get rid of those bugs then I would suggest a small wad of newspaper carefully placed between the rafters and a safety match or small lighter (strike anywhere matches are far too dangerous; we're not trying to set the house on fire). Insects hate smoke so they'll either suffocate or flee. Just be sure to put the fire out before your house actually does catch on fire unless you want to end up like this guy:

http://www.nbc5i.com/news/14250002/detail.html?rss=dfw&psp=nationalnews

Thankfully, the assistant Greensboro Fire Chief has said, "We certainly do not advocate the burning out of these insects, although it may work." Tell me that's not an invitation for someone else to try. So the next time my wife asks me to get rid of the bugs, I'm sure she'll here me, at some point, say, "Don't worry dear, the assistant Greensboro Fire Chief says that this may work, and who would know better than a fireman?"