The Mile High Club

Back to the airlines again. Only this time I'm not interested in bashing security or anything like that. I just want to take a minute and examine that fantasy scene from many a movie where two people end up in the lavatory together and get jiggy while cruising at altitude.

I've flown many different times on many different planes, and the one thing that's been consistent about every one of those trips is that the lavatory is barely large enough to hold me, so I've often wondered how crazy in love (or lust) do you have to be in order to even contemplate trying to put two people in there together? I don't at all understand how they could fit, and even if they did figure out a way to fit, I really don't see how anyone that's not a part of Cirque du Soleil could really get any kind of physical enjoyment out of the experience (trying to keep it G rated here).

I figure it does happen in real life else there wouldn't be so many stories about it, but the couple would have to already be intimate, be wearing disposable shoes (your feet have to go somewhere, and you don't want to walk around with blue shoes the rest of the day), and be extremely flexible. As it turns out, though, my assumptions are incomplete.

If you're a celebrity flying to an STD awareness conference and you have no condoms available, it's magical. At least that's the impression I get from this article about Ralph Fiennes. According to many different news reports, Mr. Fiennes followed a flight attendant into the plane lavatory where they had an unprotected romantic encounter while he was on the way to participate in an STD awareness conference.

What's Mr. Fiennes going to say at the conference? I imagine something like, "All, I would just like to say that you should never have unprotected sex on an airplane, with a flight attendant. It's very risky and dangerous. As a matter of fact, I tried it on the way here just to be sure, and I nearly broke my neck and sprained my ankle just trying to get the job done."

And how did this happen in the first place? Maybe the flight attendant was walking by while Mr. Fiennes was reviewing his notes for the conference. She glanced over his shoulder at his reading material and said, "Hey, I've done that before. It wasn't as bad as they're making it out to be." To which Mr. Fiennes obviously replied, "Really. I'm not sure. Can you show me?"

I just wish I could be there when Mr. Fiennes gets back home and is hanging out with his celebrity buddies telling them about his latest conquest. I wonder how they would try to one-up him on this one.