How Many Times?

It was a great plan, or so we thought. Abbie has shown a little interest in golf over the past several weeks, and I've taken the time to go to the driving range with her, setup a net in the backyard for practice, and finally, to get a tee time for us this past Sunday afternoon. She's really been doing well, and I think it might be right up her alley since she only has to concentrate in 15 second bursts rather than say an entire hour at a softball game.

So, Leah and I talked and thought it would be a good idea to spend some time as a family on the golf course. Since it was a little cold and dreary, we figured there wouldn't be too many people on the course, and we planned for Reagan and the other sisters to join us at the number 6 tee box since it is close to the house. After we got the all-clear from the clubhouse to put three people in each cart, we headed out and called Reagan to meet us at the green for hole 5.

Abbie had been playing very well, but you know what happens when you get all the kids out there together. They can't stand for only Abbie to be playing. Emma and Sydney had to try as well. Surprisingly, Emma walked out there (4 years younger than Abbie) and took a swing with a club that's really too long for her and hit the ball almost as far as Abbie. I was pretty impressed. Sydney didn't do so well, but the shortest club we have is nearly as tall as she is, and Reagan chose to just sit in the cart and watch.

We were really having a great time with the kids on the course, and we stopped after the ninth hole for a quick break in the clubhouse. It was just after that that the trouble started. After Leah, Abbie, and I took our second shots on the tenth fairway, the kids were taking their turns. I was watching Sydney, and apparently, Reagan had chosen to take a swing, too. The next thing I know, Leah was screaming at the top of her lungs. Not like angry momma screaming. It was more like Jamie Lee Curtis trying to get away from her crazy brother screaming.

I turned around and saw Leah laying on her side, holding her head. Reagan was standing over her crying. Abbie was hiding behind the nearest golf cart, curled up in a ball, and crying. Emma was stunned. Sydney was still trying to hit the golf ball and looked at me as if to say, "Could you please get the gallery to be quiet?"

I ran over to Leah and did a quick visual inspection. She was bruised all around her left ear and the top of her ear lobe was bleeding. There was a lot of blood, but I couldn't find any other sources than just her ear lobe. I put the kids into action getting towels, picking up clubs, gathering our hit balls, and waiting for me by the other cart. I took Leah to the clubhouse to get some ice for her ear and head. I think the girl at the register thought I wanted to use it for a cooler or something, though, because when I said I wanted a little bit of ice, she pulled out a trash bag and starting filling it. I didn't have time for that. Two scoops in, I grabbed the trash bag and headed back to the cart.

We got back to where the kids had been waiting and the marshal had driven up. I don't think he heard the screaming, but I'm sure he was wondering why there were four unattended children on the course. Apparently, Reagan had already told him what had happened. She was swinging her club and didn't check behind her. Leah was behind her and didn't know she was swinging. Reagan had hit her ball and then her mom.

Reagan took two of the sisters with her in the other cart, and Leah and squeezed Sydney between us in our cart. The marshal followed us out to the truck and helped us unload our things and took the carts back to the clubhouse for us. He was really very helpful, and I'm going to write a note to the club later today expressing my thanks for his help.

Quickly, I dropped the kids by the house and left instructions with Reagan and Aunt Sis before Leah and I headed to the ER. The closest hospital to us that I know of is Baylor Garland, so that's where we went. I was not prepared for the rest of our evening.

First, I was shocked at the number of people in the ER that showed no outward symptoms that seemed worthy of an ER visit. Come to find out, there are some people that identify ERs that will take them without insurance and they go there for there for pretty much anything. Some of them even have insurance, and they still game the system this way so they don't have to pay the co-pay and deductible. I'm not sure how it works, but it kept us in the waiting room for a while. Honestly, while we waited, I saw one little girl that had what appeared to be a very minor scratch. She was there about ten minutes and left with a band-aid. Come on, I'll give you $1 to buy a box of band-aids and get out of my way. I also saw another woman who seemed to know everyone there, including the patients. She chatted with the nurses about how things were going around the ER and some of the recent process changes they had made. I think this woman just comes in every Sunday to hang out and see if anything is wrong with her. It was almost bizarre, but nothing could have prepared me for triage.

Talking to the triage nurse opened my eyes to whole different world that this ER apparently deals with on a fairly regular basis. Up to that point, a lot of people had asked what happened. The kids, the marshal, my aunt, etc. Without exception, they asked the same question after I told them that Leah was hit with a golf club: "How did that happen?" It's just not something that happens very often, so it seems like a natural question. The triage nurse broke that trend. He asked Leah what happened, she told him she was hit with a golf club. Without looking up, slowing down, or even changing his deadpan delivery he says, "How many times?"

It took me completely off guard. What kind of question is that? Leah was confused. It never even entered either of our worlds that someone might have intentionally hit her; not to mention having done it multiple times. This guy was completely serious. Obviously, this was not the first time that he'd ever seen someone hit with a golf club, but I think it might have been the first time that he saw it happen accidentally. Leah told him, "Only once…I think." Great answer, hon. Now the guy is eyeing me, and I can tell he's trying to decide whether he should call the cops to investigate or not. Blood on my pants, a golf club, "Sure it was an accident," his mind screamed. And I'm trying not to smart off with something like, "Hey, I stopped when I realized the blood would stain cotton." See, sometimes I can resist being sarcastic.

We sat in that waiting room for at least 90 minutes. I told Leah that I think it's a weed out process. If it's bad enough to sit in the waiting room for 90 minutes, then you get rewarded with a room, a bed, and a TV. But that's just the second phase. You have be able to wait in a room, on a hospital bed, with a TV tuned to some unknown cable channel, with no remote, and the volume just loud enough that you can tell the actors are talking but not loud enough to actually be able to understand them. If you can wait in that room for another hour, then you get rewarded with a nurse. It keeps going until you finally get to home about 5 hours later.

Now, to be fair to my friends in the medical community. I know that there can be more serious cases that need to take priority, but honestly, did it really take 5 hours to put a little superglue on Leah's ear and write a prescription for some pain medication? We had a CT done by 8pm. We had the results by 10pm (which seems like a long time to me). We left the hospital at 1:30am, and then we had to go wait at the pharmacy for drugs.

And tell me this, how is it possible that when I went in the CVS at 1:45am that it still took 20 minutes to get the prescription filled? It's just me and the pharmacist in there. Who else is he filling prescriptions for? Or is he having trouble counting out the pills? Hopefully, not or I should be concerned about the meds I got. I think he was punishing me for acting like I was going to smart off and say, "Dude, who could possibly be in line ahead of me at this hour?"

The good news is that she only has a minor concussion and a small laceration on her ear lobe. The bad news is that the whole left side of her face is bruised and her ear hurts so bad that she can't move it all. Not even like when she talks or eats. Well, maybe the talking part should be in the good news, but you get the point. It hurts.

She's at home now, and I'm only in the office long enough to do a couple of meetings and then I'm headed back to take care of her.

I Had No Idea

I have friends and family that live in Colorado, and they all tell me that it is a wonderful place to live. They claim that the weather is nice, the humidity is low, and the bugs that we deal with in Texas are non-existent. They say that even though it snows, it's only around long enough for the kids to have fun, and they say that you absolutely can't beat the scenery. I don't think they are telling the whole truth, though.

You see, here in the DFW area, we do have to deal with high heat, humidity, mosquitoes, and fire ants, but the biggest choice in my toddler's life is picking between Chuck E. Cheese and McDonalds for a birthday party. My wife and I, just like everyone else in our neighborhood, raise our kids in a pretty safe world where they run and play with the neighbor kids all along our street. And I'm pretty sure that my kids have no idea what a gang is.

Apparently, that's not the case in Colorado. No, as a matter of fact, while parents in Texas are potentially arguing about where to have their baby christened (or dedicated), the parents in Colorado are fighting about much more weighty issues: which gang will our child claim?

I didn't know it was that big of deal, but for a couple in Commerce City, Colorado, it's huge. And we all know that it wouldn't be such a big deal to them if it wasn't important in their community. And if it's important in their community, then it must be a big deal throughout the state. Don't you love that Democrat logic I just threw in? I learned that from the last Clinton speech I watched (one guy she met needed health insurance, therefore everyone needs government health insurance). By the way, Commerce City is just north of Denver, so it's practically in the backyard of everyone I know in Colorado. I bet they hear gunfire and sirens every night, and they just don't tell me because they don't want to scare me away from visiting.

Obviously, this is a big issue in Colorado. Based on the news article, it sounds like a temporary peace was forged through an intermarriage of the Crips and the Westside Ballers. It's almost like Medieval Europe, except for the never-ending wars. Well, okay, it's just like Medieval Europe. The two gangs were joined through marriage, but now they have to decide which gang their child is going to claim. I guess it never occurred to them that (1) he might not want to be in a gang – granted this is unlikely given the obvious prevalence of gangs in Colorado, (2) he might choose on his own one day – you can't let kids make their own decisions about this kind of stuff, that could lead to alcohol and drug use, or (3) he might start his own gang, the Cripside Lobbers – there are lots of country clubs in Colorado; he'll be the king of the tennis courts.

The good news is that the father was arrested and jailed for causing a huge public disturbance during his fight with his wife, so we at least know that the child has a good role model at home. There's no way that you can mature into a contributing member of gang society if you don't have your own personal felon to look up to.

So, to all my Colorado friends, what gangs are you pushing your kids to join? I want to make sure I wear the right colors when I come to visit.

Weekend at Jeffrey’s

It's not very often that I get to have a couple of days with no women. Now, I know that that might sound really glamorous to all of the single guys out there, but trust me, when you live in a house with six women, it's nice to have a few days with just your brother every once in a while. Since last Friday was Jeffrey's birthday, I left work early and headed over to Shreveport to celebrate with him.

To start things off, I packed all my things the night before. My plan was to leave straight from work and head to Shreveport. If I got there early enough, we could play an entire round of golf before dark. That plan misfired. For all my planning and packing, I still managed to leave one essential item at home. Around 9am Friday Leah called my office, "Did you mean to leave this duffel bag full of clothes in our bedroom?" Dang it! I still left work early, but I had to go to Shreveport via Sachse, which added about an hour to the trip.

The good news is that I still got there in time for golf. Of course, Jeffrey had already started celebrating his birthday with some friends from work. I don't know how many margaritas he had there, but I know he had two beers before we started playing and a White Russian after hole number 3. It all worked in my favor, though, I had him by a couple of strokes most of the round. In the end we ended up tied, and everyone keeps asking what was wrong with Jeffrey. Why can't anyone be proud of me for finally coming close to beating Jeff in golf?

I mean, so what if his average score is probably is an 82 and he shot a 102 on his birthday? That doesn't necessarily mean that he wasn't intimated by my amazing grasp of the game. I think he was pressured by the fact that I kept consistent pressure on with one double-bogey after another. John (my cousin), on the other hand, thinks I'm just bad luck on the course. He swears he played his worst round the last time the two of us went out, so he wasn't surprised by Jeffrey's score at all. Thanks, John. That's almost a compliment.

After golf, we went to see The Ruins. Oh yeah! None of the ladies I live with are interested in seeing scary movies, so it was perfect. A Newman brothers movie event. We even picked up Logan and let him tag along at the risk of giving him nightmares for the rest of his natural life. Now, I'll be honest and tell you that this was not a completely women free event. Melissa and Megan (two cousins) were in town and also wanted to see Jeffrey on his birthday. We let them join us at the movie, and if you've never watched a horror movie with Jeffrey and Melissa then you are missing out. How could anyone be scared with the two of them making wisecracks at every boneheaded move that the characters made? Megan even got in her fair share after she recovered from the trauma of being scared half to death by a move trailer preceding the show. Yes, that's right, she was scared by the trailer, so I'm pretty sure that there is no way on earth she'll be going to see The Strangers.

It was pretty late after the movie, so we headed back to Jeff's to hit the sack. Bright and early the Saturday morning, we got up and prepared to go fishing. Now, one of the first things I generally do in the morning is eat breakfast, and I know that my brother loves cereal. I figured he was sure to have a box of something and some milk stashed away somewhere. I took one look in the fridge, though, and was quickly reminded that I was in a bachelor pad. My choices for breakfast were Coors Light or Corona. We stopped at McDonald's on the way to the lake.

When we were planning this fishing trip, we had to consider where to go because Jeffrey and I only have Texas licenses. Well, Dan (stepdad…okay, ex-stepdad, technically), told us that we absolutely had to go to Jeem's Bayou to catch fish. It feeds Caddo Lake, it should be protected from the wind, and it should be full of bass. The problem is that it's in Louisiana, so we needed a day license to fish in Louisiana.

We had already stopped by Dick's Sporting Goods before the movie on Friday night to pick up our licenses, and one thing I can say about that is that they won't be winning any awards for customer service. We went back to the hunting/fishing section to ask about a day license, and we were told that licenses were sold at the customer service desk in the front of the store. As we started to the front of the store, Jeffrey noticed a guy checking out a spotting scope, and he stopped to ask the guy about it. I hope I'm not being paranoid, but would anyone else think it odd that a Caucasian guy who speaks no English is checking out a spotting scope that can pinpoint a target probably half a mile away during an election season where a woman and a black man are candidates? It felt like a scene from a movie, and now I'm really hoping that nothing bad happens to either one of them so you can't say I was complicit.

Anyway, back to the story. We made our way to the front of the store where we found a line of about 8 customers waiting at the one open register. Of course, there was no one at the customer service desk, so we started searching for help. Moments later, the same guy that had directed to the front of the store shows up at the customer service desk. Now, why couldn't he have just walked with us and helped us if he was coming that way anyway? He said that he still couldn't help us because we needed an actual customer service oriented person. At this point, that seemed like an unlikely find in this store, but he came up with a person that was sure to get us what we needed.

We told her that we wanted a single day fishing pass. She told us that there was no such a thing. We told her that it was listed on the internet and it was supposed to cost only $5. She told us that she had never heard of such and that she didn't see it on her list. We asked her where people from out of state would need to go to buy a day license. She said, "Oh, a day license! For out of state. Yeah, we've got those. They're like $5." Brilliant.

She started processing our licenses, and Jeffrey and I noticed that that single register was still working on the same customer they had been on when we got to the front of the store. The line just kept longer and longer. I'm sure the store manager was looking for someone with customer service experience (or at least enough sense to count to ten without using their fingers) to run another register, but apparently all of those employees had the weekend off. Finally, our licenses came out, and we handed her $5 apiece. She looked us right in the eye and said, "I can't take that." What?

She explained that we now had to go wait in line at the cash register to pay for the license so we could get a receipt. We took one look at that cashier who was still struggling to finish checking out the same customer (I think they were buying a pair of shoes and a shirt, and the shoes were throwing him because there were two shoes and only one price tag), and we said, "Why would we need a receipt? We can't bring the license back, and having it is proof of purchase." She was already holding the cash, so we just told her that she would need to figure out how to get the money in the register on her own, we were leaving. That poor cashier's head would have spun on his shoulders if he tried to figure out how to ring up a Louisiana license, that had already been printed, for a guy from Texas.

Jeem's Bayou. That's where we needed to go, Dan had said. It seemed like a good plan on paper. In reality, we got up there, and saw a strong north wind coming down the north-south running bayou. Honestly, I told Jeffrey that I wouldn't normally put kayaks in the water in the conditions we were seeing, but since we came all that way, we were determined to fish. It took us about 15 minutes to make our way about a mile north against a crazy strong headwind. Once we got there, though, we were a little protected by some trees, and we enjoyed several hours of fishing. No catching, but good fishing.

Then it was time to head back to the dock. In the hours that we had been up in the trees, the wind had really picked up speed. I kid you not, it was probably blowing about 30 miles per hour. The bayou was covered in white caps. The wind coming down and the waves bouncing back and forth between the trees and the shore made the open water extremely rough with probably 2.5 or 3 foot waves. It was so rough, that several times we found our kayaks on the top of wave and our paddles didn't reach the water in the trough for the next stroke. And missing one stroke in those conditions had you spun around or pushed into something. The kayaks performed well, though, and neither of us was ever fearful of flipping over. The waves just made it a little more interesting.

As we were taking the boats out of the water, we started talking with the guy that manages the boat ramp there. He was busy pulling water hyacinth and salvinia out of the way of the ramp. If you don't know, those are two problem plants on Caddo Lake (at least on the Louisiana side). The salvinia is particularly problematic because it grows very fast and can completely kill a lake by blocking sunlight and using up all the oxygen and nutrients in the water. He said that he has to pull it out of the way of the boats several times a day or the ramp will get so clogged that you can't use it.

Towards the end of the conversation, though, he pulls up a little of the salvinia to show us exactly what it looks like. He grabs one small piece; maybe three leaves on small stalk. According to this guy, a piece that small will create 60,000 small shoots that same size in a week. He says that it could cover hundreds of acres in a single week. Amazing!

On the way home, I look over and I can tell that Jeffrey is deep in thought, so I ask what he's pondering. He says, that he's trying to figure the number of seconds in a week. Okay, I'll play. Two moderately intelligent guys driving down the road started running some numbers and…

Carry the one…

Multiply by seven…

Divide by 60,000…

To our way of figuring, for that one small shoot to make 60,000 shoots in a week, a new one would have to grow about every 10 seconds. We stood there and looked at the thing longer than that. For that matter, we talked to that guy for probably 15 minutes. How come the whole front of his tractor wasn't covered in the stuff by the time we were ready to leave? Shouldn't it have been practically growing around his hand while he held it? I don't know about you, but I'm gonna have to call BS on those stats. I'm sure it grows fast, and it's definitely a problem, but it ain't growing so fast that you can literally sit there and watch it spread.

To finish off our time together, we headed up to the Buffalo Wild Wings for a surprise party for Jeffrey. Lot's of friends and family were there, and we all enjoyed good food and visiting while we helped Jeffrey enter his thirties. This party was mainly organized by a girl named Brandy, and at one point, John leaned over and asked me if it was Jeffrey's girlfriend. I could only respond honestly with, "I don't know." In the time that I was there, I saw that he had birthday signs placed in his yard by April who signed them "I love you." He got a call from a girl in Chicago asking her when she was coming home so they could go out again. He got a text from a girl in Dallas asking when he was coming to visit her again. And he got party from Brandy.

I guess Jeffrey probably enjoyed having some time without women, too.

How to Pass the Time

Have you ever thought about what it would be like to pull off a robbery? Would it be glamorous and sexy like The Thomas Crown Affair? Would it be slapstick funny like Fun with Dick and Jane? Or would it be well planned but ultimately foiled by the police like Heat? Or would it be the one moment in your life that labeled you as a moron in front of the rest of the world?

So, how's this for a plan?

I'm really in need of cash, so I'm going to knock over the local convenience store. They always have cash (just not any bills larger than $20). Of course, I'll have to pack some heat. They won't just give me the cash if I'm being polite. But since I'm not a hardened criminal (nor a criminal mastermind), I want to be sure that I don't actually hurt anybody.

Handguns can fire accidentally, so I'm planning to just pack a knife. The only problem remaining is that the convenience store is always busy. I'll need a reason to hang around until there is a break in the flow of customers. There are only so many times that I can check the label on a bag of Funyuns before I look suspicious, so I'll need a cover. How ironic would it be if I just wasted time filling out an application to work for the store and earn money from them legitimately?

Now, I'm not a complete idiot. I'll have to actually write stuff on the application so they don't catch on to my scheme, but I'll use a fake phone number and address. Well, maybe not completely fake because that would take more imagination than I've got. I'll use my uncle's phone number. Besides they might like what they see and want to offer me a job.

Thinking of that, how would I know they were calling for me? I guess I'll go ahead and put my name on the app, too. There's bound to be a million Michael Newmans in the world, they'll never know it was really me. I mean, think about it, my dad and I have the same name. That'll throw the police off right there.

Okay, so that's not really my plan, but it is a plan. A plan for how to provide the most assistance to law enforcement while simultaneously committing a felony, and it's true.

http://www.nbc5i.com/news/15815839/detail.html?rss=dfw&psp=weird-news

Really…why would I ever need to make up anything to write about when the world is still full of people?

Finally Did It

As most of you know, Leah's Windstar has been in the process of dying for a while now. First, it developed an oil leak which we found out was actually leaking oil into the transmission. Then it started sucking oil up into the engine. We were actually putting oil in it almost twice a week. The silver lining was that I didn't have to worry about oil changes; it always had new oil. After all that, it started leaking coolant to the point that you got to experience a strong antifreeze odor when driving. It was like a scratch-and-sniff sticker that you wished you'd never scratched and hoped you'd never have to sniff again.

We took it to the mechanic last week, and he actually said, "Why in the world do you want to keep this van running? Just go get another one." So we did. I wasn't really ready to have another car payment, but I think that's a little like having kids. You're never going to be ready; you just have to jump in and make the best of it. And this was one of our best car purchase experiences yet.

We started on the internet by researching the vehicles and prices that we were interested in, and then Leah started calling dealerships. The great thing is that they actually emailed us prices and did a little negotiating in that forum. We could call and email different salespeople to find the best deal without ever leaving the house, and we didn't have to get everything done in a single day. We actually spent about 3 days just shopping dealerships until we settled on Bankston Ford in Frisco. Interestingly, we bought both our van and truck at Bankston and were really pleased back then, and this time around they couldn't be beat either.

We were looking to buy and Expedition, and since we had already done our work up front via email, we were able to walk in the door, find the salesperson we had been dealing with, and go to the specific vehicle that we had already been discussing. Here's where I had a minor gripe. It had been 3 days since we got the original quote (that no one had been able to beat), and we arrived a day late to see that truck. On the other hand, they were quick to find another one just like it at a nearby dealership and were ready to offer us the same pricing. I just wish that they had a way to notify us that the truck had been sold and offer a different deal before we drove out there.

Anyway, while the sales lady was looking for an alternative for us, Leah and I wandered the lot, and we found an Eddie Bauer Expedition that had basically the same price as the XLT that we had been discussing. Pretty cool since the Eddie Bauer has more things built in standard. So when the lady came back with an option from an alternative dealership, I asked if they could do a similar price on the Eddie that was right there on their lot. It wasn't exactly cut and dried, but she took us to see talk to her manager (another nice touch that sure beats talking to her, her running to the manager since she can't make any decisions on her own, and all of that back and forth business) and after some discussion with him we got to the same deal.

The truck already had almost everything that Leah wanted, but it didn't have a DVD system. Their standard package comes with 2 headphones, and you all know how well that would work with 4 kids. I got them to get me a pretty good discount on the upgraded DVD system with 4 headphones, and Leah is having that installed today. So, the kids and Leah are really excited about that. I can see it now. We're jumping in the car to drive around the corner to a neighbor's house, and they'll be putting in a movie.

All told, we had a pretty good experience and got a really great deal on a new truck.

Ever Had One of Those Weeks?

So far Leah and I are having about the worst week ever. As these things go, of course it didn't start this week; it all started when we were in San Diego. While we were there, Leah's mom, Babe, fell and broke her arm. She had been living with Leah's brother and his "friend," and since Leah's brother has been detained (again) by the state and his "friend" was at work she was found that evening laying on the floor in pain. Leah and I were both in California, so there was not much we could do, but Leah did talk to the doctors over the phone and learned that the only way her arm would get fixed would be with surgery. The only problem is that none of her doctors will approve the surgery because of her other health issues. Basically, Babe went from needing some assistance to needing 24/7 care in a single moment.

Over the course of that week and the next, a combination of friends and relatives sat with Babe to help take care of her while everyone tried to identify the best long term solution. Inevitably, the answer was a care facility, but the real question at that point was how to pay for it. Babe has basically no income and no assets, and the cost is over $100/day at the low price facilities. We've been navigating the waters of Medicare and Medicaid to try and answer these questions, and thought that we had found a solution in Garland. This past Monday morning, Babe checked in and settled into a room, and we thought everything was done until yesterday morning.

Yesterday morning, Leah went down to start the Medicaid paperwork and was told that we would need to pay for the room out-of-pocket until Medicaid came through. The process time for the Medicaid would be at least 30 days, so we were looking at about a $4,000 cost. No way! We can't afford that. After much fighting, talking, crying, and questioning, we ultimately took Babe back out of the facility and to our house. Leah has been making calls all day today to try and find a different facility that can take her and can handle the Medicaid situation better, but it looks like we'll still be out-of-pocket some amount no matter what we do.

As if that stress wasn't enough, we had a serious rainstorm here yesterday. Some people that live near me said that the recorded nine inches at their house. I had to make about four U-turns to get home because I kept going down roads that were closed due to high water. It was a big deal. And guess what! Reagan's bedroom window was open for the whole deal. I don't mean cracked either. I mean open as wide as it could be. An area about four feet square in front of her window was absolutely soaked along with all of the furniture, books, electronics, etc. that was in front of the window.

I went to Home Depot after I figured out a safe path through the water and rented a carpet cleaner to suck the water out of the carpet. It worked pretty well, but it took about two hours. It just kept sucking up water. When I was done, I had about 2.5 gallons of water in the reservoir! We left fans blowing on it overnight, so it would dry out even more. Hopefully, there is not any more damage that we can't see.

But wait there's more. We can't find Leah's cell phone. She knows she had it in the van yesterday because she was talking to me as she drove into the garage. She thought she took it inside the house, but we turned the house upside down twice to no avail. We supposed it were possible that it got left in the van, but we cleaned out every inch of the vehicle and couldn't find it. The best guess at this point is that it was in Leah's lap and when she jumped out of the van to run inside a restaurant for lunch it fell into the water (which was rushing under her van) and was swept out to sea.

Surely that would be enough, but whose week could be complete without a flat tire? That's right. Leah drove over a nail somewhere (probably washed up on the road by all the rain) and put a hole in one of her rear tires. She called me yesterday afternoon after she got home saying that her van was making a funny hissing noise, and in the process of searching for her phone realized that the hissing was the air escaping through the hole in her tire. That's a serious hole. Discount Tire couldn't even fix it, we had to buy a new tire, but thank goodness for road hazard insurance because it was only $15 to replace it.

What else could possibly go wrong? We're only halfway through the week. I'm seriously contemplating curling up in a little ball in a dark room somewhere and counting down the hours until this week is over.

You Gonna Be Much Longer?

We've all been there. You go to Taco Bell late at night because you're desperate for something to put in your stomach, you order the bean burrito because $0.39 is all you scrape from the crack in the backseat of the car, and then find yourself the next morning wishing for a copy of the entire Harry Potter series and some handrails while your spouse is in the other room telling you it's time to go. "You gonna be much longer?" you hear someone cry from the living room just before one of the kids enters the master bedroom in search of you and passes out from the fumes. "Honey, I think junior cracked his skull on the tile when he lost consciousness," but your spouse is not about to put their life in danger by coming anywhere near you. Junior will just have wait.

Have any of us ever been there so long that we actually had to shave again when we came out? That we really finished an entire novel while sitting on the throne? That we literally grew to the seat and couldn't get back up? I sure hope not, but apparently it happened to this woman in Kansas.

http://www.nbc5i.com/news/15578028/detail.html?rss=dfw&psp=weird-news

If you don't want to read the entire story, the highlight is that a woman sat on the toilet for 2 years (that's not a typo), her skin grew to the seat, and her boyfriend only just realized that something
was wrong. You think?

This story just begs so many questions. The most obvious being why didn't the boyfriend think to call for help sooner? It says that he brought her food and water every day and asked her to come out of the bathroom. What was he serving her? Cream corn burritos and sugar water? Maybe he just figured that it was more convenient for her to stay there.

According the boyfriend she didn't want to leave the bathroom. So does that say more about him or her? How bad does your boyfriend have to be for the toilet to seem like a better option?

The police, it says, found her sitting on the toilet with her pants down. Well, thank goodness they included that detail. If she'd been sitting there all this time peeing in her shorts, well, that would just be weird. The good thing is, she didn't have to worry about having an accident, but I also wonder how someone wipes when their skin has grown to the seat and their legs have atrophied. Bet that never occurred to you, and yes, you're welcome for the visual.

Of course, there are the more mundane things in life that we have to wonder, too. Was she wearing the same clothes for two years? Did she bathe? The bathtub is right there. She could just splash some water on herself and flush the suds down the toilet. But what about shaving? All of those tiny shaved hairs on the floor. What a pain. I'm betting she came out there with more hair than me and an odor that had nothing to do with the toilet.

And you have to wonder, too. How do you sleep sitting on a toilet? Did she just rest her head on the toilet paper roll? Can you imagine one morning about 3 months into the deal she starts getting an attitude with her boyfriend because her pillow is too lumpy. "I told you to buy Charmin! This crap scratches my face." And he replies, "Careful, woman, or I'll put extra beans in your chili and that toilet paper will hurt more than just your face."

I just hope after all this that we don't find out it was a one bathroom home. Nobody wants to imagine how that would have worked.

San Diego

Well, we've had an interesting week and an especially interesting last 24 hours. Leah and I flew out to San Diego last Sunday for CPC (Children's Pastors' Conference), and we have really had a great time. Since the conference didn't really get going until Monday afternoon, we were able to spend morning Monday on a short tour of the city. We went to Old Town San Diego which is where the town was originally founded. It's kind of like a period deal where the shopkeepers dress in 17^th century clothing, but it's also kind of like San Antonio Lite with all of the Mexican shops and eateries. After that we strolled along the bay in Seaport Village and ended up on the Midway.

The Midway is a 1940s era aircraft carrier that is now a museum. The ship was commissioned after World War II and named for the battle of Midway and it was decommissioned after the first Gulf War. It was very cool to tour the ship and see the way aircraft carriers work. You would not believe how large the are until you actually walk around on one. Across the bay from the Midway we also saw the Ronald Reagan which is a modern carrier that just happened to be docked in the bay. It was on the other side, so we couldn't even approach it, but it was still pretty cool.

Most of the rest of our week was spent at the conference. We learned a lot and met a ton of people, but we were really ready to come home this morning. As many of you probably already know, though, Dallas just happened to receive our annual winter storm this week and was especially hit hard today. Pretty much here's how things went for us:

Thankfully, I always set my reservations with American to notify me of any changes by texting my phone, so as we prepared to walk out the door for breakfast, I got a message that our 1:50pm flight had been cancelled. Immediately, I called American to get changed. First we changed to the 2:50pm flight, but before that was even done, it also got cancelled. Finally, the lady got us on the 11:20am flight, but we would have to hurry to get to the airport on time.

We hustled to the airport and just as we approached the gate (bags already checked and having already gone through the security checkpoint), the 11:20am flight was cancelled. Luckily we had happened to meet up with another children's pastor from Grapevine (another city in the metroplex), so we visited while standing in line to see what would happen. When we got to the desk we were informed that there was only one flight left for Dallas; the 2:55pm. We went and ahead and got booked on the 1:50pm for the next day and got on the standby list for the 2:55pm. By the time we got organized to go and get our luggage, though, the 2:55pm was also cancelled and the word was that DFW and Chicago were completely shut down.

I don't know how many other airports got shut down, but I know there were a ton of people on phones trying to find rooms. We jumped on the internet and found a Holiday Inn not too far away that had a shuttle and booked two rooms; one for us and one for our friends from Grapevine. After finding our luggage again and catching the shuttle, we had the whole rest of a day to kill, so we all walked around and visited for the rest of the afternoon and evening. We took the ferry across the bay to Coronado Island and saw the Coronado Hotel and the beach.

It was really pretty neat and we stayed over there until dinner. Now, we are back in our room trying to get some rest before tomorrow and hoping that the 1:50pm tomorrow leaves on time with us in seats.

Check out some pics from our trip on my dropshots page. It's too much of a pain now to put the thumbnails on here, so just use the link.

Jumping in the House

Last weekend was Sydney's birthday party, and all she wanted was a pink bounce house. She's been asking for one for almost an entire year. She just wanted a bounce house and her friends to come play in it with her. Unfortunately, the weather man was calling for rain all day on Saturday – the day of the party. What were we going to do?

Leah and I talked and then called the All4Fun team with an idea. We decided to put the bounce house in the living room. As you can imagine, the lady at All4Fun actually laughed at Leah when she proposed the idea, but they still delivered the pink bounce house on time. The guy that came to set it up said that this would be the first time that he had ever heard of someone trying to put a bounce house in their house.

We measured everything out and cleared the room, and it just fit. I had to get the tie downs from my truck to anchor it to the wall between the living room and the kitchen, but it worked out well. Sydney's friends all came over and everyone had a blast jumping in the bounce house. As a matter of fact, one of the little boys came over to his mom after a few minutes of jumping and said, "Mom, we need a room like Mrs. Leah's at our house." I guess it never occurred to him that we don't normally have a couch in the kitchen.

Enjoy the pics.

Photo Sharing - Video Sharing - Photo Printing - Photo Books

Kayak Pics

I finally uploaded some pics of the kayaks. These are from our first day out, so they are not rigged at all. I'm about to have mine pretty much done, and then I'll get a pic of them completely rigged out for fishing.

Photo Sharing - Video Sharing - Photo Printing - Photo Books

The New Pipeline

Science has just made an interesting discovery that might take some pressure off of the Dems this election season. As we have already discussed, the Dems have a little bit of a challenge in their campaign with the rising price of gas. On the one hand, the high price of gas is making big oil companies richer and it's making it more difficult for lower income workers to commute. On the other hand, the high price of gas is getting SUVs off the road which supposedly helps the environment. Which side is more important? Will we support environmentalism and big business? Or low income voters and crank up the global warming?

It turns out that we might have just found the silver bullet. Apparently, Saturn's moon Titan is covered in natural gas. So covered that it is estimated to have in the range of hundreds of times more fuel available than all of the Earth's known oil and gas reserves.

http://www.space.com/scienceastronomy/080213-titan-oil.html

You know what this means, right? It means that President Bush's plan to put the space program back on track might have just gotten a shot in the arm. With that much oil and gas available right here in our solar system, is it really going to be that long before GM and Ford get together to build a giant pipeline between here and there?

The good news for the Dems is that they'll be able to go back to fighting SUVs since the price of fuel will drop to $0.01/gallon.

Kayaking in Texas

So, I've had my kayaks for a couple of weeks now, and I have had a chance to get them out on the water a couple of times. The first time we went, we did take the camera with us, but I still haven't gotten around to downloading the pictures from the camera to my computer. Oh well. Maybe you can seem them in a later post. Regardless, here's how things went.

For our first outing, it was just Leah, Abbie, Emma, Sydney, and me because Reagan was at play practice. We all went out to Lake Lavon, about ten minutes from my house, and put the yaks in at one of the boat ramps. Nearby, we noticed a relatively clear shore, so we thought Leah, Emma and Sydney could head that way while Abbie and I paddled the yaks over.

After getting life vests on, paddles in hand, seated in the yaks, etc. we started heading over, but Abbie caught a little wind and started drifting. The next thing I know, she's screaming like she lost a limb and she's not paddling at all. I pulled up beside her and held her yak while she calmed down a little, and then I pulled her back to the boat ramp. Leah came over and swapped places with Abbie and we headed over to where the other kids were.

As soon as we got there, Emma and Sydney both wanted a ride, so I put Emma in my lap and Sydney in Leah's lap and we made circles in the lake. The little ones absolutely loved it, and Emma even helped me paddle a little. After a while, Abbie got in my yak with me (she's really too big to fit) and we paddled for a little bit. She was not all interested in going out by herself again.

After we got back in the truck, I finally found out what had happened on the water. She told me that she was afraid of floating past the sign. Huh? What sign? She explained that she was headed toward the "No Lake Zone" sign. Oh! I told her that it really said "No Wake Zone," and then I asked why floating past it would be an issue. She said, "Well, you said that we were kayaking in the lake, and out past that sign wasn't lake anymore." That's Abbie for you; it generally only makes sense in her head.

The next day, Reagan got her turn. Just the two of us went up to a small lake in Farmersville, and we paddled around for a little over an hour. Reagan looked like one of those yard art birds with propellers for wings, and I told her that I finally found a solution to burning off all the sugary snacks from church. That girl was cutting a wake across the lake and even when we left she was still bouncing off the walls. She had the best time in the world and asks nearly every day when we go back.

I did take her back out this past Saturday. We didn't get to spend much time on the water, but we went to the north end of Lake Lavon and paddled up under a bridge. That was the coolest thing in her mind. She was disappointed, though, that we couldn't stay longer and that she couldn't go with me on Sunday.

On Sunday I took Dad out to Lake Lavon. We went to a new place in search of one of the feeder creeks for the lake. At first, Dad was a little bored, but then I gave him a mission. I told him that we were in search of a creek on the north end of the lake and he set off in search. With a mission in mind, he was more engaged and seemed to have a better time.

We found the creek, we waded in the water, and I even stood in my kayak for a little while. It was great. I never did get to fish, but we did see some decent size carp and a couple of little bass. On the way back, though, Dad was injured. Somehow he managed to get a stick up under his cuticle on his thumb. I'm not sure I could do it if I tried, but it apparently hurt. I thought an elephant was getting attacked by a crocodile with all the racket that was going on, but was just him with a splinter. I told him to stick his thumb in the water to get it to stop bleeding. The water was only in the mid-fifties, so either the cold or the bacteria would clog it right up. Dad wasn't too keen on that option, though.

Anyway, the kayaks are great, and exploring in them is fun, but I can't wait to actually get to fish out of them.

Always Be Prepared

My dad dropped little pearls of wisdom for his children throughout our lives, and like most kids, we took some to heart and we let some just escape right out the other ear. One of the most important, though, is to always be prepared. Think through the things that might happen and plan for emergencies. You never know when something is going to go wrong. To that end, I always have a coat (even in summer), first aid kit, tools, and jumper cables in my truck. Just in case. I'll bet that all of my other siblings do the same. It seems, however, that my dad is not too confident that his advice has been heeded as evidenced by a recent email conversation:

After seeing this article in the news: http://www.wbap.com/Article.asp?id=574961&spid=6051, Dad: See why I say take a coat/clothes fitting for the weather outside even though it's comfortable in the car? And why I carry cold weather clothes in the trunk during winter. If this should happen to us, ya'll would riot on me to get MY warm clothes when I'm the ONLY one who came prepared. ROFL

Lynn: OK, I being your wife who travels EVERYWHERE with you know you carry a coat in the winter everywhere we go but other than your golf clubs that stay in the trunk of your car year round, I would like to know exactly what clothes you're talking about that we would be rioting on you for. I really don't think those golf clubs will wear too well or keep you too warm, but hey if you think so you can have them! I promise not to riot on you for them, they really won't accent my figure much, and I need all the help I can get!

Dad: I'm talking about winter coat and insulated jump suit – camo, of course. LOL

Lynn: What jump suit? Used to have does not count!

Note that the siblings have been silent up to this point, but it's just hard to resist making fun of Dad.

Caci: So seriously Dad says he carries a jumpsuit in the car???? When did this start?

Michael: Well, he said it's camo.  Maybe that's why we can't see it.

Dad: Seriously, Ya'll don't remember when I used to carry that green camo insulated jump suit in the trunk? The one I would hunt in or wear to change the oil during the winter?

Lynn: It was tan

Caci: You hunted?  For what? A gas station?

At this point, Lynn tries to come to his rescue, but she can't resist joining in either.

Lynn: Well years ago he had that camo one he carried once or twice in case of an emergency. That was back when he was thin and could get in it. For the most part it stayed in the back of the closet for years.... and he would wear it when he worked on the car. You know back in the old days when he did that sort of stuff, before Michael enlightened him on job security. LOL. Anyway that thing has long since been given to Good Will

Caci: Obviously Dad may not even remember it.....he says it was green and Lynn says it was tan.....maybe green and tan=camo

Michael: I want to take us back to the part where we are going to riot to get his jumpsuit……that's at goodwill….and that he couldn't wear anyway…….while we are stuck on a snowy mountain road.

Lynn:
It was tan with brown spots. You know the green ones have green background and green spots and the tan have tan background and brown spots that is what is was and I know because I hated it and had to deal with it in my closet for all those years, and yes he thought it was the greatest thing. Don't you remember him wearing it and saying come on Lynn and Caci let me show you how to change the oil, you will need to do this one day because I will not ALWAYS be here to do it for you. HELLO! That is why they have Jiffy Lube!

 

Caci: Guys, the people at work are wondering why I keep laughing out loud at my desk!!!  Yes, I remember something about him wanting to teach us how to change the oil...AND a tire!  I think we thought of something better to do that day.....why didn't he just teach me how to parallel park....that would have been much more useful, huh Jeffrey??  (Jeffrey parallel parked my car for me at the movies when he was here....what a great gentlemen of a brother!)

 

Lynn: Need I remind you he is the champion of USELESS knowledge; hence he can only teach you useless stuff. Maybe your big brother should have jumped right in there and taught you how to parallel park since he has a little more useful knowledge.

 

Thanks, Lynn. Nice to know that someone out there respects the position of the oldest sibling.

Caci: Oh man...he [Dad] will be excited to see all of these emails at once!  And I am wondering why Michael or Jeffrey didn't teach me how to parallel park?????  Of course, Michael didn't pass his driver's test the first go around, so maybe that was it....

 

How did this get to be about me???

Lynn: He didn't? Maybe it is a good thing he didn't teach you. Although, I can't believe you haven't taught yourself. That means Michael can do something better than you. That is inconceivable! 

 

Thanks again, Lynn. But I did think this was supposed to be about Dad.

Caci: I don't know that Michael can parallel park....I have never seen him do it...so as far as I am concerned he can't do it better than me!!! LOL

 

Finally, Dad decided to check his email.

Dad: I haven't weighed in here b/c it's taken me 20 minutes to read all the emails and ROFLMBO. I can't believe my loving daughter never mentioned she couldn't parallel park while she was growing up or even while we were there in Dec. I would have been glad to teach her, like I taught her to drive a stick shift. Michael can't teach her to parallel park b/c he can't, that's why he bought a truck – so he could just drive over what's in front of him until he's even with the curb. LOL

Dad: BTW, where's Tooter in all of this?

Tooter is our brother Jeffrey.

Caci: I guess WORKING!! LOL none of the rest of us are though!

 

Lynn: Yeah, and on that note I have to get busy.  Love you all

 

No, I never did defend my ability to parallel park. I was actually in a conference call when they turned on me, so my response would not have been timely anyway. Oh well. Hope you enjoy!

Working in Your Underwear

It's interesting to me how most jobs have a uniform, even the ones that don't. Think about it. Some are pretty obvious. Car mechanics, fast food workers, custodians, painters, police, firemen,t he military, you can always pick them out of a crowd based on what they are wearing. But can't also generally tell a lawyer from a construction worker, a banker from a pool cleaner, or a programmer from a CEO? Of course you can. And in some stores it's even just a subtle hint.

Take your favorite clothes store, for example. Do you think they give the employees a discount on clothes just because they are nice? No, way. They expect their employees to be in "uniform" wearing the latest fashions from their racks, so when you walk in you want to buy the same thing. It's a walking advertisement and uniform. So, have you ever wondered how that works in an underwear company? I have.

Heck. What guy hasn't wondered why Victoria's Secret doesn't put their salespeople in lingerie and blow the lid off their sales? The real question, though, is how do they behave in the corporate office? How committed are they to their products? At least one CEO is completely behind what he sells, and he wants all of his employees to know it.

http://www.theindustryradar.com/Home/?currentHome=/Accounts/article/layouts/Underwear_CEO.xml

Dov Charney reportedly has a habit of conducting business in his underwear. No, he's not a telecommuting, and no, I don't mean that in the sense that we all conduct business in our underwear. Apparently, this guy conducts business in ONLY his underwear. One of his employees is even claiming that she was fired for investigating the possibility of filing suit against him. But none of this is really the funniest part of the deal.

What I really want to know is whether or not the lawyers involved in working on this have yet developed a drinking game centered around the word "brief"?

"So, Bob, I filed that pre-trial brief today on the Charney case."

"OH. That's two shots, Bill, and isn't the whole case about his pre-trial briefs anyway."

"Good one, Bob. By the way, it's three shots to you now."

If they haven't they should because I guarantee you that I would not want to be sober if I had to work with photo evidence in the trial of a CEO in his whitie tighties. You've always got to have an out, and, "I was drunk at the time," seems like as good an excuse as any to me.

The Benefits of Customer Service

I know. I know. I don't post things nearly often enough. Every once in a while I do actually have to work.

So, I've been looking at kayaks and saving money for nearly a year now, and yesterday I finally "laid out the Benjamins" as Jeffrey would say. I bought two kayaks for fishing since I figure that with all of my kids, one wouldn't be enough, and sure as shooting, I'll find somewhere that I want to take someone fishing and they won't have a kayak to go in. I ended up with one red and one yellow Redfish 12, and we love them. The best part of the story, though, is the experience of actually shopping for the yaks.

In my research, I narrowed the list down to only kayaks right around 12 feet long for various reasons, but mostly because it provides the best balance between weight, maneuverability, and cost. Once I had the length, then I researched the different brands and models to get an idea of what I wanted to shop for. Almost everything has a good review from someone, but a few brands and models really seemed to stand out. Native Watercraft, Wilderness Systems, and Heritage were the front-runners on my list.

Armed with that information and with money in the bank, we set out on Saturday to do some shopping. There are not a lot of kayak dealers in the DFW area, so we went to the closest place to our house first. High Trails Canoe in Garland is pretty close to where we live, and their website indicates that they have a wide range of kayaks to choose from. When we got there, I told the salesman what I was looking for and the brands that I was interested in. Right off, he told me that I was crazy to even consider a Wilderness Systems kayak. He went into a rather lengthy explanation of how the company doesn't honor their warranties, the boats have tons of issues, and even implied that the reps for the company may mislead internet readers by inflating the number of positive posts on different message boards. Interesting. I still have not found anything that corroborates the statements he made, and I have no reason to think that Wilderness Systems is anything other than a great kayak manufacturer.

Anyway, after the surprising opening move of basically telling me that my research was crap, the salesman showed me some of their other models from the warehouse. Most of them were on racks and were just pointed to, as in, "There's one, and there's another one, and there's one way up top, too. See it?" He never offered to let me sit in one, and he never really offered anything informative about fishing from a kayak except that they could install stuff for me. Finally, he told me that they might be getting some Heritage Redfish yaks in the shop soon, and that I might want to look at one of those.

Of course, that yak was already on my list so I was interested. I asked how soon they would have them, and he indicated that it would be a week or two. No problem in my mind, that would still fit well inside my timeframes. Next question: I asked what we needed to do to arrange for me to demo one once they arrived. The salesman looked at me kind of funny, and I clarified that I would be purchasing two yaks and that there was no way that I would spend $1,500+ on yaks that I never paddled. He said that they could let me rent one once they got entered into their rental fleet…around the middle of May. Before I left, I was certain to explain that I was going to buy two kayaks within the next two weeks, I was going to demo them beforehand, and that if he couldn't figure out a way to accommodate that, then he was losing out on a pretty nice sale. Apparently, he didn't care because he let me walk out the door.

Later that same day, I was in Mariner Sails in Dallas. As soon as I walked in the door, two guys greeted me and my family. I told them what I was looking for and they directed me to a specific salesman. "This guy has fished out of every kayak we sell. Let him help you look," they said. Meanwhile, they offered my kids candy (thanks again for that sugar rush), and they let the kids play on one of their catamarans while I shopped. As we went into the warehouse, I was overwhelmed by the number of kayaks available for browsing, but the salesman went straight to several different ones and pulled them all down on the floor. Setting them side-by-side, we then talked at length about the pros and cons of each one. He invited me to sit in each and try them out, and we narrowed my list to two. The Heritage Redfish and the Native Manta Ray.

At this point, I'm really liking both, but I need to demo them before I put out the money. The salesman said it was no problem. Normally, he would do a demo on a Thursday evening, but since he was busy then, we talked to the boss about doing it sooner. Shortly after, we had a time arranged on Monday evening to put both of the yaks in the water and test them out. What a better experience.

Monday evening, we met at White Rock Lake and paddled for about ninety minutes talking about the differences in the boats and with me switching boats several times. Finally, I decided on the Redfish, and yesterday I bought two. See what a little customer service can do for you?

Now the fun part…rigging it all out and catching fish.

Is My Marriage Doomed?

I saw this article today, and I struck me as something I had to write about:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/22571847/

Everyone that's ever been married knows that things get tough from time to time. Sometimes you just have to get away. We all deal with that differently. Some take a walk around the block. Some spend time alone in the bedroom reading or watching TV. Some immerse themselves in work. Still others, apparently, get a new job at the brothel where their husband also goes for release.

Apparently, the problem in this marriage wasn't that neither of them was interested. He can't say that he needed something else because she always had a headache, and she can't say that he wasn't interested in being physical. Obviously, they both wanted the same thing, and they both went to the same place to get it. Somehow, they missed each other on that communication, though, and now their marriage is over.

Hopefully, I won't ever end up in a place like this (the life situation or the brothel), but if I did, I would have to worry that I had missed a lot of warning signs. I mean would it seem suspicious that the "new girl" looks so familiar, but you just can't place her? Or how about the way she is always wearing clothes that look just like the stuff you bought your wife last Christmas? Or the way that your friends keep talking about how your wife has so much energy? And the way they go on and on about the weight she recently lost? I mean, you haven't even had the guys over for dinner in months. Surely, you could see the signs.

In all seriousness, we often don't. In researching for this post, I found some very interesting information. You have all probably heard the statistic that nearly half of all U.S. marriages end in divorce, and the corollary that "the family that prays together stays together." The truth is that neither of those is really true (not even close to true). In fact, according to Barna research, the family that prays together is the most likely to end in divorce*. Or more to the point, according to Barna, born-again Christian families have higher divorce rates than any other religious group (including atheists and agnostics). If that's true, then the first statistic doesn't sound so bad (although it's also misleading). I'd put it up to a coin toss rather than be in the majority.

So, should we stop going to church, quit believing in God, and live happily ever after? I really don't think so. I think that this points to something even more important for each one of us. How good are we at helping support our fellow church members when their marriages end up in trouble? Does this speak to a problem with churches trying to ignore problems or ignore (or worse ostracize) those that are having trouble? Do we look too simply at the situation and say that God will work things out and treat it as if it's not our responsibility? To me, this new information is more of an indictment of the church than it is of Christian marriages. We all have problems, and we need our church to help us through the hard times or else husbands and wives might just find each other again at the local brothel.

*"Christians are more likely to experience divorce than are non-Christians," Barna Research Group, 1999-DEC-21, at: http://www.barna.org/ Barna no longer has this report online. However, a review of the report is at: http://www.adherents.com/

What Happens to the Dog?

I did have a fair amount written about the various ways that this article struck me as humorous, but I decided to delete it all and just share the article rather than risk being accused of writing in bad taste.

http://www.nbc5i.com/news/15001098/detail.html?rss=dfw&psp=nationalnews

In Memory of My Childhood

We just returned from our annual Christmas trip to Deadwood to visit my mother and grandparents. We started out in Shreveport this year with my dad's parents, and we had a nice visit there. Grandmother bought dinner for everyone from a local catfish joint called Shane's. Apparently, she thought that we were going to be more hungry than we were or that we were all bringing friends because she ordered about three times as much food as we could eat. It was good. There was just a lot of it.

Afterward, we drove out to Deadwood. We exchanged gifts with Mother that very evening. You know the kids weren't going to wait even if they had all already fallen asleep in the truck. It was really nice, and each one of the girls made out with a ton of stuff, especially Emma who now has her very own harmonica. Boy, that was a joy to listen to all the way back to Dallas yesterday.

The real surprise of the trip, though, was the change in the scenery. It wasn't really obvious when we drove in at night on Sunday, but on Monday we could tell that there were a fair number of trees missing. "No big deal," I thought. Papa just needed some extra money. I wasn't really seeing the expanse of the cutting yet, though.

Later that day, I had the idea to take the kids for a walk in the woods. The back woods (if you know what I mean). Of course, they immediately asked if we could go to the waterfall, and I agreed. For those that don't know, there are two sets of woods on our property. The front woods is a relatively thin stand of trees separating the road from the houses and yard. There's a little creek that runs through there and it's dammed up into a small pond. There's not much to see there, so we hardly ever go that way. The back woods is on the other end of the property and is a much thicker set of trees with a few trails cut through it. If you go all the way to the back, cross the fence, and know your way through the unmarked woods, you'll find a bigger creek with a large drop off at one point which creates a waterfall into a small pool. It's one of those things that we found as kids when we were out somewhere we weren't supposed to be (you don't really think my mother ever gave us permission to cross the fence do you?). Anyway, I've taken the older girls there before, and they wanted to go again, and Emma was eager to tag along.

Looking from the house, the back woods looks the same as ever, but that's just a façade now. As my kids and I crossed the field toward the woods, the older girls told Emma all about how cool the waterfall would be and how much fun it would be to walk in the woods. Within a few feet of entering the woods, though, the change was evident. What had once been a foot path is now widened for lumber trucks and heavy machinery, and where there had once been woods, there is now a field of debris with a few select trees still standing. The ground is covered in broken limbs and tree stumps, and from a short distance into the woods, we could clearly see to the fence lines in front of us and to our side. Previously, you could have walked to these fences and not seen them until you felt the prick of the barbed wire. Now, you can see to the fence line, but the fence is down in several areas to allow trucks to pass and in places where trees have fallen across.

Continuing back toward the creek, we found it easy to cross the fence (once I figured out where) since a tree had taken out a section, and we noticed that we could clearly see the old deer stand in the corner of the property. The kids had never even seen it before, so with no trees between us, it was a new sight for them. Immediately, we noticed that trees had not only come from our land, though. We could clearly see all the way to the creek; a good 100 yards in front of us.

Moving toward the creek, we picked our way through the brush and debris until we reached the banks. The water was still flowing; a good sign. We turned to our right to go back upstream to the waterfall. Things looked promising. We were almost back into woods that I was familiar with. Trees that I have marked my way for years were still standing, but as we approached the location of the waterfall, things were all wrong again. There was a huge clearing, tons of fallen trees, and no waterfall. No pool of water. Nothing. I couldn't even see where the waterfall used to be. It was completely covered in debris. The creek was running underneath it all, so I had to keep the kids back. I didn't know what parts were laying on land and what parts where laying across the ravine.

Ultimately, we had to just turn around. There was no waterfall. There really wasn't even much in the way of woods anymore. The kids still had fun, and so did I. But I have to tell you that it feels like a part of my childhood is buried under that debris somewhere out behind Mom's, and I wish I could have found it, just to know that it's really still there.

Next Christmas

Everyone start saving now. I know what I want for Christmas next year. Yes, I realize that it's only a few days after Christmas, but it's going to take a while for you to save and compile your money for my gift.

How many times have you ever wished that you didn't have to pay high prices for electricity? Have you ever wished that you could turn the tables and be your own power company? Have you ever had a crazy desire to house your own nuclear weaponry just in case of attack? That's all I want for Christmas, and thanks to Toshiba it can be a reality.

http://www.nextenergynews.com/news1/next-energy-news-toshiba-micro-nuclear-12.17b.html

Toshiba has built a personal nuclear reactor. Designed to power apartment buildings and city blocks, the unit is scheduled to be available in Japan next year and the US in 2009. So, I guess maybe I'll have to wait two years to get one, but how freaking awesome will it be to have the ability to power a small city block for the next 40 years?

Now, Toshiba assures us that the unit will be self-contained and safe, and while they didn't say anything directly about the potential for weaponizing it, I'm sure that they would claim it to be impossible. I don't know about you, but that just doesn't give me much confidence. Every time a technology company says that something is secure or safe, a 15 year old in Japan comes up with a way to beat the system. Don't think that this unit won't be made into a bomb or missile by June.

Given that we can safely (ironic, eh?) assume that the unit is going to find a post production market in international weapons, I definitely want to have one in my closet. I figure it's not much different than having a gun in your home. If there's gonna be some there, you better make sure one is yours. Well, if half the world is going to have nuclear arms, I better be part of the half that's armed. And nothing gives you more leverage when you want to borrow your neighbor's ladder than the idea that you could turn their home into a smoldering crater.

Happy Day After

I know it's been a while since I've posted anything. I just haven't really been inspired. We've been running around like crazy getting things ready for the holidays, shopping for family and friends, and attending holiday parties. It's almost all over, though.

The kids had a great day yesterday. I think they all got what they wanted, and other than a few fights in the late afternoon, we enjoyed a fairly nice day at home. Since it wasn't snowing here, as it was on some of you, we did venture out to try and get some lunch. No one wanted sandwiches and Leah didn't want to make a big meal, so we all piled in the van to find food. Now, I had stated before we left that I was sure that we would not find anything open, but I was wrong…sort of.

The Sonic up the road was open for business, and since we couldn't find anything else, we pulled in. The sun was shining, the wind was blowing, and the third string was on duty at the Sonic. My order placement went something like this:

Sonic: Welcome to Sonic, may I take your order?

Me: Okay. I want three kids corndog meals, one chicken dinner, one grilled chicken sandwich…

Sonic: Sir? Did you say you want coney dogs?

Me: No. I want three kids corndog meals, one chicken dinner, one grilled chicken sandwich with mayo and tomato…

Sonic: Sir? You want mayo with your corndog?

Me: No. Why don't you read me what you have?

Sonic: I've got three chili dogs, three corndogs with mayo, and a chicken dinner with a tomato.

Me: Look. Let's go slow. Three kids corndog meals.

Sonic: Are those for kids?

Me: Uhhh….Does it matter?

Sonic: Sir. I'm trying to be helpful. Are you ordering for kids?

Me: If it helps, then yes.

Sonic: Okay, so three corndog meals.

Me: A chicken dinner.

Sonic: Got it.

Me: A grilled chicken sandwich with mayo and tomato.

Sonic: Do you want that with mayor or mustard?

Me: I'm pretty sure I said mayo.

Sonic: Sir, I am not a mind reader.

Me: Thank goodness because you don't want to know what I'm thinking right now.

Sonic: Okay. Your total is $12.72.

Me: But I'm not done.

At this point I was already cut off, so I had to push the button again. A different cheery voice came on, and we completed the order. Might have been a manager because things went much more smoothly, or so I thought. After a few minutes someone asked for the time. It was 1:30pm. We'd been sitting and waiting for about 5 minutes. Soon, Emma started announcing every time that a carhop came out in hopes that it was for us. But after another 10 minutes no order had arrived.

I pushed the button again. "Welcome to Sonic. Blah, blah, blah." I said that I just wanted to check on my order, and she said, "You mean you haven't gotten it?" I figured they would have a record of little things like an order being delivered, payment received, etc, but apparently they weren't really keeping up with the accounting on Christmas Day. I said, "If I had my order, would I ask you where it is?"

Now, it's quite possible that that was not the proper response because after another 5 minutes we still had no order. I hit the button again. "Blah, blah, to Sonic. Blah, blah, blah." Again I told them that I was checking the status of my order. She says, "You haven't ordered yet." What? I said, "Look, I ordered about twenty minutes ago, and I still don't have food." Silence for a minute, then she says, "Oh, did you have the three kids chili dogs?" We didn't eat at Sonic.

Other than that, our day was pretty uneventful. Sydney got a bike which we had to go ride around the block, Emma got a diary that opens with a password; at one point I found her all alone in the TV room saying the password, opening it, closing it, saying the password, etc. (she said she was practicing), Abbie got clothes and toys, and Reagan got a Nintendo DS which she played all day.

All in all, it was a great day. I hope that yours was as well.