Run!

I think last night's episode was one of the best so far. Highlight below to read more:

Finally, we got an episode that wasn't centered around the questions of, "why do I have these powers?" or "what do I do with this power?" or "how do I use this power?" Finally, we got an episode where the central story was just two characters using their powers. Matt Parkman working as a security guard used his telepathy to protect his charge and Jessica used her power to try and kill him. It was great, and if they continue to just use Jessica as an assassin, she might actually be worth keeping around. I'm just glad that there was very little whining from Niki about her sad, sad life. I much prefer Jessica if the character has to stay on the show.

Back in Texas, HRG and Claire are getting ready to go to blows, I think. Did you hear the sass she put in her voice when she reminded him that her mother was also having trouble with memory loss. She seemed to not even be afraid anymore to let him know that she's onto his whole do something evil then reboot everyone's mind plan. The sad part is that her mother (adopted) really is going crazy now, and it's probably the result of too many reboots.

The even worse part, though, is that Claire is being scammed by her birth mother. "He's going to pay us $50,000, and you're entitled to half." It makes me wonder what is her real angle? Of course, Claire was only interested in meeting her biological father, but her mother put the brakes on that, too. Too bad Claire couldn't see Nathan's face when he looked at the pic of her. I wonder if she'd have seen the same two things that I saw: sadness over not knowing her and recognition that she's the cheerleader Peter was trying to save. Little did Peter know that it was his niece. Cool!

Hiro and Ando, as usual, were fun, but I am starting to tire of the quest for the sword. I'm ready for Hiro to get his power back and become the man that tells Peter to save the cheerleader. It was awesome, though, when Hiro told Ando, "Stop saying things that I say to you." That was classic! Too bad that Ando was so easily swayed, though. You could tell that he knew Hiro would never have just left him, but I guess he's been single long enough that it only took one kiss to redirect his focus. So now Hiro is in the hands of a presumably corrupt gaming commission officer and Ando is in the hands of the officer's corrupt partner. How is this going to play out?

Lastly, Mohinder seems to have been fooled by Sylar, who now has another pretty cool ability. I'm not sure about how useful the ability is, but it's pretty cool. The surprising thing to me is that Mohinder didn't recognize Sylar. I would have thought that Chandra would have taken a picture of Sylar early on in the process. He seemed to be fanatical about documentation and he's got pics of several of the others, why not Sylar? Or maybe Sylar stole the photo after he killed Chandra? Unknown, but Mohinder at least has a file on him because he and Eden discussed it earlier in the season. I'm hoping that Mohinder does recognize him and is just playing along to save his own skin.

That's about all for this episode, but it's not all of the update that I have. Remember when I told you a few weeks back that I called the number for Primatech Paper that was on the business card HRG gave to Mohinder? Well, I also visited the website and applied for a job. I've gotten a few emails from them since that time letting me know that they accepted my application and that they would be sending more information soon. Today, though, I got the first email that had any kind of meat to it.

The message was actually from Hana Gitelman (aka Wireless). She's the girl that was chatting with Ted in the desert during the special scene that aired during Deal or no Deal. Her message told me to find the helix and then gave me a username and password to use after I found it. I found the helix hidden in the Primatech logo on the About page of the website. When you click on it, you're prompted for a username and password. If you try it, the username is "bennet" and the password is "claire". Once you key that in, the page will change and then a few seconds later it will change again to show files for people HRG is tracking.

There are four files listed. The username is "bennet," and each one has its own password:

C3001 is the file on Hana Gitelman. Password: HGghx11a

C3002 is the file on Matt Parkman. Password: MPggtn75x

C3003 is the file on Ted Sprague. Password: TSntz14b

C3004 is the file on Gabriel Gray (aka Sylar). Password: GGeh81zu

You can get all of these from Hana Gitelman's site at http://www.samantha48616e61.com/

Interestingly, if you read the files on these characters and Hana's website, you find that Hana was trained by HRG in manner similar to that of Sydney Bristow. She was recruited and trained to believe that she was working for the CIA, but when things got tough, HRG hung her out to dry. Now, she's trying to find out who he really is. We also learn that HRG doesn't want Sylar killed. He wants him recaptured for further study. Hana wants Ted to help her find Matt so that they can all go down to Primatech together to see what's really going on. Finally, HRG wants to locate Matt's wife so that they can run tests on the embryo to see if any abilities are going to be passed along. Interesting stuff that hints at things we might see in future episodes.

Snorkeling in Oregon

From Eugene, Oregon, the former residence of Aunt Sis (our temporary live-in nanny) comes a news story that is great on too many levels. Read the full article at http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/17091607/, but enjoy my take on it first.

John Cheesman thought it was going to be just another day enjoying his hobby of snorkeling in rodent infested waters looking for various species of fish. What could possibly go wrong? Well, you could get shot in the head. That would pretty much end the day for me. Before reading any further, let me just point out that I don't think it's funny when people get shot in the head.

It is funny, though, when you're wife says that the reason you survived is that the bullet shattered when it hit your dense skull. Seriously! How many times over the years did she get mad at him for being SO dense? How many times did she try to "get something through that thick skull?" I guess now she's seeing the silver lining.

Again, it's not funny when people get shot in the head. It is funny, though, when the guy doing the shooting mistook you for a nutria. If you don't know, a nutria is basically a huge swimming rat. Essentially this tells me that the victim was in serious need of a back waxing. When you appear to be a swimming rodent with a wet pelt, you've got some hair growth issues. Can't people get that through their thick skulls?

Really, it's not funny when people get shot in the head. But I can't help stating the obvious, "DUH!" that follows the police reporting that the shooter was on drugs. Apparently they arrested him for methamphetamine and marijuana, and I'm betting there's more that they just didn't find.

Seriously, I don't think it's funny for people to get shot in the head, and we should all be careful to not go snorkeling in rat infested waters with a pelt on our backs when drugged up felons with rifles are hanging around. It could be more dangerous than you think.

Eleven Years Later

Leah and I just celebrated our eleventh wedding anniversary this past weekend. Aunt Sis gave us the night off from the kids on Saturday, so we got a hotel in downtown Dallas and enjoyed a taste of freedom. I found us a hotel in downtown that is a renovated building modeled in a European style. So, even though the room was pretty small by Western standards, Leah really liked the European feel.

After dinner at Bob's Steak and Chop House, we found a Starbucks and enjoyed some coffee together, and then we spent a while just driving around downtown at night. It was pretty nice. Before long, though, we found a parking area and got out to walk around a little. This is important: I put the required $5 in the unattended box; Leah and I both double-checked the parking slot that I was in; and Leah (being more familiar with downtown Dallas than I) explained how to fold the money so it would fit in the box. More on that later.

So, we walked around a little and found out that Dallas has a Coyote Ugly bar. Have you ever see the show on TV where they are trying to find new bartenders for Coyote Ugly? I don't really get into reality TV, but I've seen part of one episode. They weren't hiring for the Dallas location. As a matter of fact, it was borderline false advertising. On the other hand, though, the name of the bar is Coyote Ugly, so what do you expect?

By the way, if you don't already know, Coyote Ugly is apparently a term used for the girl that looked "good enough" when you were drunk, but when you're sober the next morning and you're arm is under her, you'd rather gnaw your arm off (like a coyote gnawing off his leg to escape a trap) than wake her. I wouldn't know from personal experience, but they say that's where the bar got its name.

Leah and I did go in, though, just to say we'd been in a Coyote Ugly, and we felt really out of place. We weren't wearing nearly enough leather and chains and neither of us rides a Harley. We sat at the bar for a few minutes, though, and watched the people. There were several clumps of people in the place and this one guy just wandering around the room by himself. Well, after a bit we were ready to go, and Leah got up to use the restroom before we left. Here's the part that I'll probably regret telling you, but it's pretty funny: Not two seconds after she got up, this wandering guy grabs her barstool and sits next to me. I didn't notice at first, but I turned that direction and there he was. He says, "Hey, man, how's it going?" And not in a gruff manly voice, if you catch my drift.

If I was out of place; this guy was like being from another planet in this joint, and how is it that I can go in a borderline biker bar that's known for scantily clad bartenders and patrons dancing on the bar (none of which happened while we were there) – basically, a man's kind of place just this side of a stripper bar – and get hit on by another guy? Don't think that didn't bring my self confidence down. Poor Leah had to stroke my ego and tell me how manly and strong I am for the next hour.

So, we walked a little more and ended up standing in line for a dance club called Purgatory. While standing there, one of the doormen came out and addressed the crowd saying that if you had on athletic gear, baggy clothing, or any kind of tennis shoes you might as well get out of line because they were not going to let you in. They weren't going to argue about it, they weren't going to make exceptions, they weren't letting you in. About that time I notice the guy just in front of us in line. He's got on a jersey from his favorite basketball team, pants so baggy it's a wonder they were staying up, and high-top tennis shoes. How does a person get dressed and violate every section of their dress code policy at once? Pretty amazing.

After we danced a bit, we headed back to the truck. Guess what I found there? A parking ticket. It just says that I failed to follow the instructions on a sign, but I have no idea which sign I missed. I've got to call them in a bit and find out why I'm being charged $30 on top of the $5 that I already paid, but I really wonder if I didn't just fund someone's late night McDonald's habit with my first $5. Lesson learned: avoid unattended lots; there's no way to prove that you actually paid.

Next morning, we went out for a nice breakfast and returned home to find that the children and Aunt Sis had wallpapered the door to the house with notes describing their adventures. For example, we read things like: "Reagan won the food fight," and "Dixie doesn't really like taffy," and "Is four bowls of cereal too much?" It was really funny, and the kids enjoyed putting them together. Overall, we had a great weekend, and we were very thankful for Aunt Sis giving us a night off on our anniversary.

Distractions

A pretty good episode that seems to create more questions than it answers. See notes below:

First things first: As I said last week, Melissa has been right about Peter absorbing powers. Aside from the fact that I still disagree about where he picked up his pre-cog abilities, I have to give her credit for calling his abilities correctly. What a scene, too. Claude just tossed him straight off the building hoping that he would fly and probably not realizing that he could regenerate if he didn’t fly. Obviously, Claude is a few matches short of a book. And interestingly, HRG knows who Claude is. Seems like they are the ones that Claude is hiding from, so maybe that’s part of why he’s a little off center.

Isaac has been trying to find Peter so that he can save the world, but then we find out that he’s really colluding with HRG. So, is it really altruistic, or what? I don’t think Isaac really understands the part that he’s playing in this game yet, and I don’t think that HRG wants Peter just to keep him from exploding.

Sylar escaped and didn’t kill HRG. That leads me to believe that HRG doesn’t have any special powers because Sylar generally kills those that have powers. On the other hand, he killed the cheerleader without really realizing that she had none, so obviously I don’t completely understand what he’s up to. And it looks like next week he’s going to team up with Mohinder to help “find” the heroes. Creepy.

Honestly, though, ladies, would you have asked a crazy looking weirdo like Sylar to stay for dinner simply because he supposedly found your dog in the street. Does that man not just reek of psycho stalker? Wouldn’t you have said you were going to call your husband and really be dialing 911? That just seemed like some incredibly lame writing to me.

And how did HRG escape from his cell. Did Haitian man just happen along at the right time and let him loose? Of course, now Claire knows that her adopted mom has been rebooted once again, so I'm sure she's suspicious about what really happened while she was gone.

Claire found her mom and found out that her mom can start fires. Additionally, we found out that Nathan is Claire’s real father. Do you think that HRG knows that? I wonder if that’s why he tried to take Nathan from the hotel and left Niki alone. We can only assume that the reason Claire’s real mom has been on the run is to get/stay away from HRG. What’s she going to do when she finds out that he’s the man Claire calls Dad? That should be an interesting episode.

Niki got herself locked up in a mirror so that Jessica could get out of jail. What a crappy story line. And the DA dropped the charges simply because some DNA evidence turned up on a hardened criminal that was already on death row. Mr. Linderman must have quite a hold on the world to pull that kind of snow job or scare tactic. My question, though, is why does Linderman want Jessica released. She’s already wasted a ton of his guys, wouldn’t he think that she’ll just come after him next? I don’t see how this plays to his advantage unless he believes that he can get her to work for him.

Matt wasn’t in this episode at all which was just as good. He needs to figure out what he’s going to do about not having a job with the police or FBI anymore and how he’s going to raise his partner’s kid.

Which brings us to Hiro and Ando. Hiro pulled a nice little job on his father with his sister, and Ando had to go home without even a hug. Did anyone else notice that the license plate on his father’s car was “NCC 1701”? That’s the ship number of the Enterprise, for that may not get the inside joke. I thought it was a nice little homage to George Takei’s most famous role (Sulu). Too bad the painting got torn. I wonder how they will deal with that when they get to Linderman.

All in all, a pretty good episode.

Greased Lightning

We have some funny sayings in our culture, and I wonder sometimes about not only origins but also about how they could be envisioned in the real world. Perhaps it’s the result of a project we did back in fifth grade where my teacher (Mrs. Templin – the best teacher I ever had and also my aunt) had us draw some of these sayings. For example, some drew a brick with a beard and little piece of brick next to it to mean, “chip off the old block.” I suppose you could move that forward to nowadays and draw one of J-Lo’s old boyfriends (“Chip off the old block” since she’s just “Jenny from the Block”) but anyway. The one that comes to my mind today is “greased lightning.”

I don’t really know why you want to put grease on lightning, but an educationally responsible kid in Westerville, Ohio decided to take Mrs. Templin’s project to the next level. He didn’t want to just draw a picture of a colloquialism. He wanted to live it out.

According to the news reports, an eighteen year old student at Westerville North High School greased himself with oil to try and elude capture as he ran naked and screaming through the school cafeteria. As if cafeteria lunch wasn’t bad enough, now the other students have to endure the horror of seeing a naked kid covered in greasy oil running around while they try to eat. Unfortunately, for the student this is also the part where he got to be his own visual aid as the officer monitoring the lunch period used his taser not once but twice to stun the student. Greased lightning!

I always thought it was supposed to mean “fast,” but this kid was definitely not living that dream. Once the lightning was inserted into the equation this otherwise slow kid stopped completely. Maybe the lightning interacted with the grease in some strange way and had the opposite effect of what we would expect. One thing is for sure, though, in Ohio “greased lightning” should have a whole new meaning.

For example, if you were trying to tell someone about your drive home from work, you could say that it was like greased lightning: it went okay at first but then I hit a jam and everyone just stopped.

Or you could describe that birthday party for the kid next door that you had to attend. Getting through those two hours was like greased lightning. At first we were all running around the Chuck E. Cheese like lunatics, and then the tokens ran out. I thought my head was going to explode.

Try incorporating it into your daily speech pattern and we’ll see if it will catch on.

By the way, you can read the news report at http://www.nbc5i.com/news/10879220/detail.html?rss=dfw&psp=nationalnews

The Fix

The story really didn’t move too much in this episode, but hopefully they are setting us up for a good show next week. Highlight below to see more detailed notes:

Niki/Jessica….still don’t care. Although, I thought it was interesting that Micah is now a criminal, too. I guess that’s what parental influence can do for you.

Peter is still confused, and so am I at this point. What in the world could this new guy, Claude, teach him? And why does Claude talk like he knows a lot of the heroes? There are only 36 names on the list, so how many could Claude have possibly taught?

While on the subject of Peter, it seems that Melissa is right about Peter absorbing powers based on what Mohinder said about him being like a sponge. On the other hand, though, that doesn’t explain why his ability to use the powers fades when he’s not around the person that he absorbed from. He couldn’t fly at all by himself, but he did twice when Nathan was around. He quit being invisible when Claude walked away. He healed himself shortly after Claire walked off, but I’ll be he wouldn’t be able to do it again now unless she came back around. Maybe he has to be around someone for a long time to absorb enough of their power to use it on his own? Or maybe the powers are only triggered when the original owner is around? I don’t know. I think the writers need to clarify this some more.

Nathan still can’t decide what to make of all this. Last week I thought we were moving forward and that he was finally going to embrace the fact that he can fly and that others have similar powers. This week he’s back to denying everything and wanting to “fix” Peter. Somebody needs to make up their mind about this character and move it forward.

Claire is in trouble. I think HRG recognized the wind chime outside her window and now knows that she’s in cahoots with the Haitian. I wonder what he’ll do about that. I think he genuinely loves Claire and wants to protect her, so I think it’ll all come down on the Haitian. Maybe the Haitian will make him forget about the wind chime and all will be rosy.

HRG is in trouble of his own, though. Sylar is not dead and he’s got HRG cornered. I feel sure that HRG won’t be killed, but maybe Sylar will force him to explain his actions a little more so that we can get a clearer picture of what’s going on at PrimaTech Paper.

BTW, I called the number off the card that HRG gave Mohinder last week. It was just a recording saying that you reached PrimaTech Paper and that you could enter an access code. Since we didn’t see a shot of the access code that HRG gave Mohinder, I don’t have one to enter. If you choose “3” from the menu, though, it will give you a code to use online at http://www.primatechpaper.com. If you’re interested, the number is 1-800-PRIMA16.

Also, Claire seems to have found her birth mother. The one short clip of her left no question as to why the apartment burned down. She was probably trying to save her daughter from HRG and set the place ablaze with her fingers. Now, I wonder who the father turns out to be. I read an article about a month ago that was an interview with Greg Grunberg (Matt Parkman) where he said that he and Claire would have a very interesting connection. Could this be what he was talking about? I guess we’ll have to find out next week.

Finally, Hiro and Ando. The “Big Boss” is Hiro’s dad? So, is Hiro embarrassing him or something? Or does his dad know about the heroes, too? Interesting stuff. And I loved it when the subtitled: “GULP!”

What Would You Do?

A coworker of mine just told me about a situation at home that needed attending. I won’t name anyone here by name because other coworkers may be reading, but I will tell you that the irony of the situation is that at end of this day my coworker will want nothing more than a nice, stiff drink and there won’t be anything to slake the thirst. Let’s see if I can reimagine the dialog that led up this situation:

Coworkers Son (CS): Yo, buddy! How’s it hangin’? You kickin’ it real? Rollin’ it tight in da hood?

[Don’t imagine ethnicity here, you’d probably be wrong. I’m just trying to emulate “cool lingo”]

Son’s Friend (SF): Yeah. That’s right.

CS: Know what, man? I got this crazy teach in second period that’s always blabbing stuff about wars, dead people, and the old days.

SF: Yeah, dog. I got the same chick for third period. I can’t hardly handle sitting in that class.

CS: You know what I need? I just need something to take the edge off; to help me get through the day.

SF: I tell ya, man. You right. Ever since I got into ninth grade I’ve started hitting the vodka and Red Bull pretty hard. You got any of that around here?

CS: Vodka and Red Bull? That’s so seventh grade. You need the real stuff. Let me get you a C&C.

SF: Yo! If my mom found out, she’d kill me. Can you get me one now?

CS: Now? The bus is on the way.

SF: It’s cool man. I can drink it fast.

CS: Alright, but I hate for you to drink alone. I’ll pour myself one, too.

[Drinks are poured and chugged]

SF: Dude! That was awesome! Get me another. We got time.

CS: Yeah! Now I can’t figure out why my parents won’t let me drink this stuff all the time. (hiccup)

[More drinks are poured and chugged]

SF: You know what? You know what? You know what? We ought to just skip school today.

CS: Nah. I gggot that test in aaaalgebbbbra….haha, I said bbbra, and I cccan’t mmmmissss it. (hiccup)

SF: You can’t take a test now. You can’t take a test now. Did you just hear an echo? (BRAAAAP)

CS: SSSSurre I ccccan! I ccccould cccconquer the wwwworld tttoday! Gggget me another ddddrink!

SF: Listen to me. Listen to me. If you’re going to school we’ll have to leave now. You can’t have. You can’t have. You can’t have another drink.

CS: Ssssure I ccccan. Ppppput it in your bbbbbbackpack and I’ll hhhhhave it on the bbbbbbus. (BURP!)

SF: Okay. Okay. Okay.

[Kids leave with liquor and stagger to bus stop and after having a few more drinks arrive at school]

Principal (P): Good morning boys. How are you feeling today?

CS: Gggreat! And by the wwway, I must say that you are looking scorching hot today. Wanna make out?

SF: Yeah, baby! Let’s get it on!

P: Boys! Is everything okay? You seem to be a little woozy.

CS: Naw! It’s all ccccool. Never felt bbbbbetter. Gotta run, sssssexy! I’ll be back after this ccccclass.

SF: I’ll keep you company. I’ll keep you company, baby.

P: Boys, I think we need to call your parents. Come with me.

CS: What’s up wwwwith that? I gggggotta go to ccccclass?

SF: That’s right. That’s right.

P: Well, your class is not in the ladies rest room, and no one’s called me hot or sexy for a couple of decades, so something is definitely not right. Get in my office and wait for your parents.

Sure, I’m making up the dialog, but they really hit the liquor cabinet before school, and they took the liquor with them to school. Unbelievable! As it turns out, the school doesn’t take kindly to kids arriving intoxicated, and they are even less accepting of kids toting hard liquor, so the boys were sent home for a few days to “sleep it off” (aka suspended). I’m just glad that they aren’t old enough to drive or this story could have been really ugly rather than somewhat humorous.

Godsend

Finally, a new episode of Heroes to write about. It seems like it’s been forever since the show went on hiatus, so I was really surprised that my expectations had not built up to a point as to make this latest episode a disappointment. On the contrary, I really enjoyed it, and I felt like it covered a lot of ground. Highlight below to read more:

I still don’t see much point in the Niki/Jessica character. As impressed as I was that she snapped a guard’s baton like it was a toothpick, I still felt relieved when she got doped, put in a straightjacket, and tossed in a padded cell. Too bad she’s not dead.

What’s the deal with D.L., though? Why is he still bringing Micah around? For that matter, why is he bringing himself around to see Niki? The woman tried to kill him, and for all he knows (actually, he even implied it) she’s just plain crazy. That doesn’t really seem like a very safe environment for either him or his kid. I’d run like the wind, if it were me.

Claire obviously didn’t forget what happened, and now she’s getting fearful of HRG (Mr. Bennett aka Horn Rimmed Glasses). Good for her. And I really enjoyed the fact that she got to have a little conversation with the Haitian. Seems like he might be trying to subvert the efforts of HRG, though, so she better be careful. I think she’s just a pawn to him that can be used against HRG. Finally, I thought it was great that Claire started over with Zack and that he knows her secret again. Hopefully, he’ll keep it this time around, too. I just wonder if HRG knew that Claire had enlisted Zack to video her powers the first time around, what makes us think that he doesn’t know this time as well. And will that be dangerous for both of them?

HRG himself alluded more this week to the fact that he’s working for someone else. We just need to figure out who it is, and how do they know so much? Of course, as was revealed in his conversation with Mohinder, it seems that Chandra knew more than they did. So, who else is on the list, and what does HRG want to do with it?

Next up, Matt knows that HRG is up to something. I don’t really understand why the SWAT team couldn’t find any secret rooms, though. Seems like when they were looking at the blueprints and planning their assault, they would have noticed either a big difference between the physical footprint of the building and the plans or they would have seen the plans for the room. Unless it’s underground, but it’s always seemed to be on the ground level in past episodes where they’ve shown HRG and Eden entering.

Speaking of Eden. Sylar killed her at the paper factory, so why was her body found outside of Ottawa or Ontario or wherever they said in Canada? How did HRG manage to get her body up there to dump it and make it look like a suicide? And once Sylar killed Eden, he had her power and her gun, so how did HRG get him back in his cell and doped up on all those drugs?

Peter finally woke up, but I still don’t understand exactly what the deal is there. He’s trying to get to Nevada, which makes me think that either he believes he’s going to explode anyway, so he wants to be in the desert when it happens, or he knows that Ted Sprague is in the desert and he wants to find him. I’m betting on the former since his dreams never showed Ted. What’s the deal with the bum on the street, though? I get that he’s invisible, but why does Peter think that he can help?

And one more thing. What the heck was Ted doing in the desert anyway? Is he trying to learn to control his powers? Or his trying to learn to increase them?

And now everyone’s favorite: Hiro. They’ve made it to New York, and Hiro’s English is getting much better. I love the way that they worked in the painting of him with the dinosaur without having to time travel, and I’m glad that we finally found out what the symbol that keeps showing up everywhere means: Godsend. The question now becomes, how did it get on the sword? It seems to be tied to the heroes in that the Haitian wears it around his neck, Jessica has it tattooed on her shoulder (but Niki doesn’t, go figure), Isaac paints it, etc. So why is it on an ancient sword? Is it some sort of time travel paradigm where the symbol is on the sword because it’s a sword for Hiro, but Hiro ends up leaving it in the past to protect it or something? And is the guy that wielded it in the past also a hero? Or was that guy our Hiro but he just hasn’t traveled back to live that part of his life yet? Or maybe, and this is really reaching, that guy is Mr. Linderman, and he has the sword because it’s really his and it helps lengthen his gift of long life. Am I way out there now?

It was pretty cool, though, that Hiro, Isaac, Nathan, and Simone are all together now. Nathan is still trying to hide his power, but I didn’t get much bad guy vibe from him in this episode. I think he really wants to help Peter, and I think that he’s starting to understand that he and Peter are not the only ones with abilities. Simone sure seemed to turn around quickly, too, when Hiro started telling his and Ando’s story. Guess it sucks to be Peter right now because he just got dropped like a hot biscuit.

The Summit

I just started a new blog to coincide with a Bible Reading Plan that our church is sponsoring called "The Summit." I hope to be able to stay on track with the readings and post to the new site daily. Please check it out at http://michaelsummit.blogspot.com

You Are Now Free to Move About the Country

I really enjoy posting thing that I find amusing, and I hope that you all get a good laugh as well. The problem is that I haven’t been very inspired the past few weeks to post anything. Caci would say that she’s proud of me for actually getting some work done, but I know that the rest of you would rather that I continued to slack off at work so that I could put some new items of interest out on my site. Amazingly, today the tide has turned.

I’m still not slacking off at work, but I did just run across this news article (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/16673691/) about a nine year old boy that managed to fly from Seattle to Phoenix and then to San Antonio before he was stopped. Even more amazing is that he never bought a ticket. So we know a couple of things right off:

1. He’s not a student from Caci’s class trying to get back home; way too smart.
2. The airport officials he came into contact with may have been student’s from Caci’s class before she started teaching; they missed the benefits of taking things to the next level (words and sentences in reading).
3. Southwest Airlines is serious when they say, “You are now free to move about the country,” in their ads.

I’ve already posted on here before that the whole security process at the airport is a sham anyway that basically helps the airline provide jobs and allows them to politely force you to do things a certain way. It’s obviously not designed for security otherwise it wouldn’t be so easy to bypass. I never imagined, though, that it was so easy that a nine year old could do it, and that really brings up a couple of key questions: Is this nine year old just really smart? Or is it really that easy?

Either way, you’ve got to assume that someone who can build a bomb out of the leftover gum stuck to the bottom of your shoe and detonate it with a cell phone is smarter than this nine year old. And you know what the kicker is? They said that they stopped him because he didn’t have a good story when they asked about his papers. That just implies that if he’d planned a little better he wouldn’t have been stopped at all. Do you think that you could come up with a better story than a nine year old?

Happy New Year

Happy New Year to everyone! As I posted before, we were able to enjoy a nice break with the family, and we’re all geared up to start 2007. Being a somewhat religious (I say somewhat because I like to distinguish between being religious and being Christian) guy, I must say that I’m a little concerned about how 2007 is going to shape up. I don’t know if you’ve heard, but Pat Robertson has made dire predictions for the upcoming year. Check out the full article here.

According to Pat, “God told him that a terrorist attack on the United States would result in ‘mass killing’ late in 2007,” the article reports. Now this puts me in a little bit of a conundrum. According to the Bible that I dearly believe, God has behaved this way in our past, and since God is outside of time, it’s reasonable to assume that He could still behave this way today. Specifically, the He would communicate directly to a human, and use that person to foretell future events. On the other hand, I don’t really believe that Pat Robertson is a prophet.

Let’s take a look at the evidence and see if I’m way off base by examining past prophecy by Mr. Roberston:

· 2004
o Prophecy: President Bush will easily win re-election.
o Outcome: Bush won 51 percent of the vote and won the election.
· 2005
o Prophecy: Bush will have victory after victory in his second term, will nominate conservative judges to federal courts, and Bush’s Social Security reform proposals will be approved.
o Outcome: John Roberts and Samuel Alito were confirmed to the Supreme Court, and the Social Security initiative was stalled.
· 2006
o Prophecy: God punished Prime Minister Ariel Sharon with a stroke for ceding Israeli-controlled land to the Palestinians and storms and possibly a tsunami will crash into America’s coastline.
o Outcome: I doubt that the medical report listed “hand of God” as the cause of Sharon’s stroke, and it rained in New England.
· 2007
o Prophecy: Terrorist attack will result in “mass killings” late in 2007.
o Outcome: Unknown.

When it’s laid out like this, it seems to me that his success is on the decline. He started strong with Bush winning re-election, then followed that up with two victories and Supreme Court judges (a twofer), but it started going south with Social Security, and last year seems just a bit embarrassing. Should I feel bad for not believing, though?

What if he’s the real deal, and I’m making fun of him? Would that be the same as all of those people that made fun of Noah? I don’t know, but I would think that prophecies handed down from the Lord would correct more than 50 percent of the time, and I really have to believe that someone that’s really getting a message from God wouldn’t say, “I have a relatively good track record. Sometimes I miss.”

Sometimes you miss? If the message is from God, doesn’t that imply that sometimes God misses? And how could that be possible? I know the Lord works in mysterious ways, so perhaps this is just a test. Perhaps He wants to see if we’ll believe His prophet even when the prophet is wrong, and if that’s the case, then I guess I just don’t have enough faith. As far as 2007 goes, though, I’m not planning to build a bomb shelter or anything just because Pat Robertson says it’s going to get rough.

I’m determined to have a Happy New Year, and I hope you are, too!

Christmas 2006

No white Christmas for us this year. So far, I’ve only had one of those in my entire life, and I’m not complaining. Unlike the Colorado branch of the family, Christmas here in Texas was relatively uneventful.

We celebrated Christmas with Dad and Lynn earlier in the month since they were going to Utah to spend Christmas day with Lynn’s family. Caci, her family, and Jeffrey were all there as well and we enjoyed eating and visiting together for a few hours. The kids, of course, enjoyed seeing their cousins and receiving gifts. We even got to finish the day off with a trip to see a model home built in the same floor plan as the new home that Dad and Lynn are building. They’ll be living just across the highway and railroad tracks in a new part of the neighborhood Leah and I live in. I think it’ll be cool to have them closer.

The Friday before Christmas, we headed out to Mother’s to celebrate Christmas with her and Logan. The kids couldn’t hardly stand to wait until Saturday morning to open their presents, but they made it through the night. It seems like they all got a game of one kind or another from Mom, and we spent the next little while playing each of them in turn until it was time to get ready for Brin’s wedding.

Since we happened to be in town that weekend for Christmas, we got the added bonus of attending Brin’s wedding. It was a beautiful ceremony, and the church was completely packed. There were literally not any seats left in the building. Afterward, we went to the reception at the Country Music Hall of Fame and enjoyed some good food and visiting until fairly late in the evening.

The next morning, we had to leave early to get back to Plano to work and attend Christmas Eve services at our church. The girls’ favorite part is lighting the candles, and so far the building hasn’t gone up in smoke, so I’d say they handle them pretty well. As always, we went out to eat after the last service of the evening and meandered through our neighborhood looking at Christmas lights on our way back to our house.

The kids were up at about 3am, just like every year, and they came to get me out of bed to look at everything Santa left for them. As I promise every year, I got up that once to look, and then I went back to bed. The kids brought their pillows and blankets downstairs and all piled onto the couch together to sit in front of the Christmas awaiting 6am so that they could wake Leah and me up to open presents. Thankfully, for me, they fell asleep again and didn’t get up until almost 7am.

When Abbie came in my room, I looked at my clock and it read 6:57am, and then she pleading asked, “When are you going to get up? I’ve been waiting on you since 6:54am.” I guess three minutes is an eternity to kids looking at a pile of goodies from Santa.

After all the gifts were exchanged and opened, I made our traditional French toast breakfast for Christmas morning, and we started getting ready for Leah’s family. They generally come over to visit on Christmas afternoon and have lunch with us. It was a pleasant visit, and the kids received yet even more toys. I don’t know where we are going to put everything.

And just about the time that Leah’s family was leaving, Aunt Sis arrived home. She’s moved in with us now; living in a corner bedroom and bathroom of our upstairs. We had a nice Christmas dinner with her that evening, and then I went to bed exhausted.

Gender Testing

Until just now, I had no idea that there was even such a thing as gender testing. Even more amazing, though, I had no idea that one could fail a gender test. It's not that unthinkable that someone would fail a math test, spelling test, or even a driving test (I did that once upon a time myself), but a gender test? How exactly do you fail a gender test?

According to a recent article from BBC News (http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/6188775.stm) an Indian woman (?) athlete managed to do just that. The article says that she has been stripped of her silver medal (among other things in the name of this test) from the Asian Games. Amazingly, this is not the first gender test that she has been through. She passed one at the Asian track and field championship in South Korea last year where she also won silver.

So what's different this time? Did she forget to study? Was this an essay test instead of the multiple choice exam they gave in South Korea? Did she just not get a good breakfast? They always say to eat a good breakfast before you take a major exam.

Details on the test itself are rather sketchy in the article, but they did point out that it involved a gynecologist, an endocrinologist, and a psychologist. Now, I can see where the first two of those are pretty objective about the parts and pieces and how they work, but I wonder how the psychologist plays into the mix. I imagine that they ask deeply probing questions like:

1. Shopping is…
   
   1. A fascinating experience that is even better when shared.
      
   2. A method used to extract secrets from terrorists.
      
2. What does "nothing is wrong" mean?
   
   1. Start guessing and apologizing or I'll kill you in your sleep.
      
   2. Oh crap.
      
3. The best time for sex is…
   
   1. When your mood and your schedule are right.
      
   2. Do you wanna? I've got a few minutes.
      
4. When you observe a man doing a simple task, you think…
   
   1. That frickin' baboon is doing it wrong and ruining everything.
      
   2. Why would I watch a man do a simple task?
      
5. When a man doesn't notice your new hair color it means…
   
   1. He no longer loves you.
      
   2. Hair has different colors?
      
6. After a man explains the undeniable logic of his point of view…
   
   1. It proves that he just doesn't get it.
      
   2. Case closed!
      
7. Your reaction to this test is…
   
   1. Bastard!
      
   2. Ha ha! You're dead, dude.
      

Sample test slightly modified from Scott Adams blog on this same topic.

10 Most Dangerous Toys

You really should read the original article for this. I certainly can't write this up any better than Paige Ferrari, but if you don't have the time, enjoy my excerpts from the original. Note that "we excluded BB guns, slingshots, throwing stars, and anything else actually intended to inflict harm."

The List

1. LAWN DARTS – "Removable parts? Suffocation risk? Lead paint? Pussy hazards compared to the grandaddy of them all…If they happened to land in your skull, well, then you should have moved."
   
2. GILBERT U-238 ATOMIC ENERGY LAB – "For a mere $49.50, the kit came complete with three 'very low-level' radioactive sources…It's unclear what effects the Uranium-bearing ores might have had on those few lucky children who received the set, but exposure to the same isotope – U-238 – has been linked to Gulf War Syndrome, cancer, leukemia, and lymphoma, among other serious ailments. Even more uncertain is the longterm impact of being raised by the kind of nerds who would give their kid an Atomic Energy Lab."
   
3. MINI-HAMMOCKS FROM EZ SALES – "…children spending an afternoon like Gilligan became entangled in the net and strangled to death. That's what happens when you spend $4 on a hammock."
   
4. SNACKTIME CABBAGE PATCH DOLLS – "It chewed for chewing's sake. With no mechanism to turn off the munching should trouble arise, it was only a matter of time before some cherub's long blonde hair got caught in the doll's rabid jaws."
   
5. SKY DANCERS – "When spun aloft, the wings – which felt so soft and cushy in the aisles of Toys 'R' Us – turned into steely-hard child manglers…over 150 children fell prey to Sky Dancer's helicopter-blade arms and erratic 'Oh-Jesus-it's-chasing-me!' flying patterns."
   
6. BAT MASTERSON DERRINGER BELT GUN – "…[A] two-in-one combo that took care of all your pants-securing needs with the option every ten-year-old dreams of: the ability to shoot caps at groin level...Every young boy needs to learn the valuable lesson of always protecting his nether regions, with force if necessary, but given the positioning of the Derringer, the owner's greatest enemy might have actually been puberty."
   
7. CREEPY CRAWLERS – "Nothing says safety like an open hot plate. And nothing says fun like using that open hot plate to create molten, rubbery insects you can throw at your sister while narrowly avoiding setting the house ablaze."
   
8. JOHNNY REB CANNON – "For only $11.98, young rebels got a cannon, six cannon balls, a ramrod, and a rebel flag. What better way to permanently maim your little brother while spreading valuable lessons about states' rights?"
   
9. BATTLESTAR GALACTICA MISSILE LAUNCHER – "It takes just a few jabbed eyes, some torn intestines and the death of a child to bring down a party…"
   
10. FISHER-PRICE POWER WHEELS MOTORCYCLE – "Eager youngsters who gunned the throttle found that it often stayed gunned…the child on the motorcycle was then taken on a hellish, intestine-twisting scream ride. At one point, he or she would face choices unthinkable except in an Evel Knievel meets Knightrider crossover episode: Do I jump? Or do I ride it out and see if I can clear the gully? Is it sentient? Can it be reasoned with?"
    
11. (Honorable Mention) MANLEY TOYS DISCO LIGHT – "The brightly-colored disco ball cost 1,500 Chuck E. Cheese tickets. For the average skee-baller, that adds up to about 15 months of play at a cost of approximately $20,000…When left on too long, the ball's multicolored sides begin to melt. The plastic goop then slides down to your shag carpet, creating a foul smelling inferno of plastic, hair, and light bulb filament…The real danger here is probably less to dancing children than to the transfixed pot smoker."

She Uses Her Fingers

Since Dad and Lynn will be in Utah on Christmas Day, this past Saturday, we had several relatives over the house to celebrate Christmas with them. We had arranged beforehand to meet at my house around 11:30am so that we could eat by noon, and a little past 11:00 we got a call from Dad saying they were on their way from Allen. I wasn't really sure why they were coming from Allen since they live in The Colony (yes, that's a real TX city), but Caci clarified that Dad had to stop and get a haircut.

Still I was perplexed. Allen is a good 30 minutes from The Colony and there are probably 50 places to get a haircut between his house and wherever he went in Allen. "Why go all the way to Allen?" I wondered aloud, and Caci was prepared with the answer. It seems that she had asked the same question already and had received assurance that the hairstylist in Allen was the best for Dad.

"She uses her fingers," Caci said.

"Huh?" I know that's what you thought, too. "She uses her fingers for what?"

"I don't really understand either," Caci said. "I'm just passing along what Lynn told me."

Is Dad getting his hair cut by Edna Scissorhands? Or is she plucking each hair out one by one? Or is it neither and the dull edges of her fingers are the reason that he's running late.

Apparently, it takes a while to cut hair when you're using your fingers, and for good reason: you've got to mash the hair repeatedly until the heat generated begins to break down the molecular structure of the hair and allows for a clean break leaving a more natural look than barbaric, sharp-edged tools can provide. It takes years of practice and skill to accomplish this feat without leaving behind dead or split ends not to mention the painstaking detail of getting all the hair cut to an even length. I can't really afford that high-end of a stylist, so I just stick to the lady down the street and a set of clippers. Sure my hair looks like it's been cut after I leave there, but at least it's still the same day as when I went in.

Caci and I still aren't sure what's really special about using your fingers to cut hair, but we sure did enjoy laughing about it.

State of Texas Tortilla Chip

This news article beats all. A Flower Mound woman apparently found a tortilla chip that she believes looks like the state of Texas, but who cares?

There've been people that see the Virgin Mary in snack chips, grilled cheese sandwiches, tree bark, and a host of other things, some of which even ended up on Ebay, and I can understand the fascination in those items to some degree. At least they could be viewed in some way as miraculous, religious artifacts. But a chip shaped like Texas? And if you look at the picture in the article, it doesn't even resemble Texas all that much.

The woman that noticed this treasure, says that she was preparing a snack for herself and her husband when found this anomaly. She's been keeping it in a Ziploc bag to show friends and neighbors, but now she's ready to move to the next level. She assured reporters, however, that while she did not have any plans to sell the chip on Ebay, she wasn't sure how long the chip would last if she framed it. Framed it!

I find myself wondering how this ever made it into the news. I think the most likely scenario is that the woman called the news station to report her find, and I can only imagine how that conversation went:

Reporter: This is NBC 5, how may I help you?

Woman: You are not going to believe what I found in my house.

Reporter: Try me. I've been doing this for a while. Well, at least two weeks since I graduated from that correspondence school anyway. In that time I've heard just about everything, though.

Woman: There's a special chip at my house.

Reporter: Is it a computer chip? Like some new technology.

Woman: No. It's much more special than that.

Reporter: Really. Is it alien technology?

Woman: No. It's not technology at all. Are you listening to me? It's a chip.

Reporter: [incredulous] Like a potato chip? A snack?

Woman: Well, that's the thing. I was making a snack of tortilla chips for my husband and I when I noticed one that was oddly shaped.

Reporter: You noticed an oddly shaped tortilla chip? I'm gonna need more than that for a story.

Woman: It's not just oddly shaped. It's shaped like Texas.

Reporter: Did you buy the Texas shaped tortilla chips? They're on sale at Tom Thumb this week.

Woman: No. That's what makes it so special. It was in a regular bag.

Reporter: Okay. I'm intrigued. Go on.

Woman: Well, like I said, I was making a snack when I noticed this chip shaped like Texas. I've never seen food that looked like something before, so it seems kind of odd to eat.

Reporter: Hmm…most of my food looks like…well, food, but I guess if I wasn't used to that it would seem odd to me, too. Before I can determine if this is newsworthy, though, I'm gonna need a little more information. Did you bite the chip into the shape of Texas? Because if you did, then that would just be silly and not worth reporting at all.

Woman: Oh, heaven's no. I couldn't bring myself to take a bite of Texas. It just came out of the bag just like this.

Reporter: So, let me get this straight, you found a chip that you think looks like Texas, you didn't bite or break it into that shape, and you aren't sneaking snacks from a bag of Texas-shaped tortilla chips. Is that correct?

Woman: You got it. Can I get on TV? I've been waiting for a tornado to come through all my life so I could tell the world that it sounded just like a train, but I've given up that. Can't this be on the news instead?

By now we all know that she got her wish and this extraordinary event was reported both in print and on the news. I wonder why I never thought of this angle for fame? I like those tortilla strips and you wouldn't believe how many those I've seen that were shaped like Nebraska. I've missed the boat.

Let’s Make a Deal

Okay, kids. If you haven't already heard enough reasons to stay away from drug and alcohol abuse, let me give you one more. Leah's brother is going to begin his most recent stay in jail today for violation of parole due to drug and alcohol abuse. Regardless of what you might think of him or his actions, we all have to acknowledge that he has some serious problems and needs some serious help. Knowing that let me tell the options that the courts offered. Keep in mind that through all of this, he will have a felony drug conviction on his record making it extremely difficult for him to ever be employed again.

The courts put two options on the table: prison or rehab. Cool! He could go into rehab, kick the substance abuse habits, and become a productive member of society. Or he could just choose to serve time in prison, be released, have trouble finding a job, turn back to substance abuse, get arrested again, serve time in prison, etc., etc. Let's avoid door number two, Monty.

Oh, but for the gritty details. If he goes to prison he has to be there for 6-9 months, then he's on probation for the remainder of a 24 month sentence, and he has to pay $15/month for the entire duration. That doesn't sound like too much fun. I hear bad things happen in prison and it's not really treating the problem.

On the other hand, if he goes into rehab, he has to wait in prison for 6 months to get in, then he'll be in total lockdown (no visitors) for 9 months, then he's in a halfway house for 4 months, then he's on probation for 10 years, and he has pay $240/month for the duration of this time period. Hang on. Let me get the calculator out….that plus that…times that…carry my one…that's $33,360! Compare that to the $360 total in the first choice.

Which of these would you choose?

Even if you knew you needed rehab, which would you choose?

Is it just me, or does it seem like our justice system is trying to encourage Leah's brother to decline rehab?

Why would they do that?

Seems to me like you have to be on drugs (and actually high at the time this deal is offered) to ever choose to get help. No rational person would pay 100 times as much money and spend 6 times as long in the system just to get help.

I thought we had overcrowding in our prisons. That's probably why they'll let him out in 6 months; they don't have room for him to be in prison when all he did wrong was abuse some substances, put the public in danger, ruin his life, and stress out the rest of his family.

Most of the time, the crazy decisions that you about in the news don't seem to affect us directly, and I enjoy poking fun at the news and our government, but now that it's hitting closer to home, it's just that much more ludicrous. It seems to me that our justice system has become a lot less like justice and a lot more like a game show, but this game show is rigged.

Criminals plead their cases down so that they don't have to serve time for their crimes, and the justice system puts together deals that steers people to make decisions that are not in the best interest of the people. Don't get me wrong. I'm all about Leah's brother serving time for his crimes. I'm all about society punishing him for doing wrong. I'm not really interested in spending my tax dollars to clothe and feed him so that we can turn loose again on the streets with his only option being to turn back to substance abuse again; especially not when I know that there is a rehab program that is part of the corrections system.

Maybe I'm just naïve and the rest of you already knew that the world works this way. Maybe I just haven't lived enough to be okay with this system. Maybe I've got too much rose color in my glasses. Whatever the case, I still think this is a crazy way for our tax dollars to be spent.

She’s Home

Welcome home, Aunt Sis!

My dad's sister, Debbie, and my stepmom, Lynn, set out from Springfield, OR this past Saturday in a U-Haul loaded with all of Aunt Sis' things and pulling a trailer with her car. They suffered one blowout somewhere in CA along the way, but otherwise, I hear that the trip went well. Apparently, things went well enough for them to avoid much sleeping as they arrived earlier this afternoon in Dallas. They were nearly a full day ahead of what they originally anticipated. Right now they are all at Dad's resting and recovering from the trip, and I think we are going to give Aunt Sis a little time to get her head straightened out before we visit with the kids.

The Smeller’s the Feller

Since I never work anyway (according to some), it will be no surprise that I ran across another humorous news article today. It reminded me again of how silly our airline security rules have become, and of course, how you can underestimate the stupidity of the general public. You can find the actual article here, and you can read my commentary below.

As many of you have experienced, or read about in my blog, the rules for items that can be passed through security are becoming more and more strict. No gels, liquids, lighters, aerosols, etc. Interestingly, this article points out a hole that I'm sure will soon be plugged (pun intended) in that matches are not restricted. As a matter of fact, according to this article, you can take up to eight books of matches onto an aircraft.

Let me get this straight. I can't take hand sanitizer on board or a mostly empty tube of toothpaste. I can't take Lysol air freshener or deodorant on board. I can, however, take enough matches to burn down the entire state of Texas. Given these odd rules, is it really any surprise that when a woman passenger has to pass gas during that she would light matches to cover the odor?

Well, maybe it's a little bit of surprise since generally only guys, and more specifically drunk, frat guys, try to light their farts, but what else was she supposed to do? The gas needed masking, and since the passengers had no gas masks, all you can do is light up. Heaven knows that matches are far safer than hand sanitizer. After all, they were safety matches. There's no safety in hand sanitizer. That stuff is a killer….of germs. And we sure don't want her to have any air freshener. That stuff could explode. A fire contained in a tube of metal roughly 6.5 miles above the surface of the earth, hurtling through the air at 550 mph is at least contained. Geez.

I'm wondering if the no smoking sign was off during this exercise, or if she's going to get in trouble for that. The article says that she has already been released (thank God. I don't think anyone could take any more releasing from her) and that she's not going to be charged. She apparently broke no rules; just wind. I guess that means that it was a smoking flight.

The other thing that I wonder is why they had to land the plane, deplane everyone, conduct an investigation, and interview passengers before they determined that this lady had been lighting matches. They say that there were 99 passengers, so the plane was probably fairly full. No one noticed those bright flares of light and thunderous roars of gas from her seat? Or did they think it was just part of the show?

All I'm saying is that as a result of this, not only will matches be banned, but they'll probably figure a way to make sure that we can't fart in mid-air either for fear that a crafty terrorist would ignite the gas with the spark of someone's seat belt and then use the plane as a flaming rocket to rain death and destruction on the infidel hoards. They'll probably have to install sniffers in every airport to conduct a Flatulent Attack Response Test (we'll call it the FART system) before allowing you to board. Next to go will be all of the fast food restaurants inside the secured areas of the airport because once you're past the sniffer, you can't be allowed to introduce anything that your body could convert into explosive materials. It stinks, but this article really doesn't bode well for McDonalds.

Fallout

As usual, the network hyped this as the biggest show of the season, and it turned out to be ho-hum. I've almost gotten to a point that I don't want to see the "scenes from next week" or any ads for my favorite shows for fear that it will ruin the experience as my expectations are dashed on the rocky shores of reality. The writers/producers/director/someone just tried to cram a little bit too much into this episode and ended up with not enough of anything substantial. It wasn't that it was a bad episode, per se, it was just not great. Read below for more:

Claire told her dad, Mr. Bennett, about her ability to heal, and Mr. Bennett revealed to Claire that he already knew. Cryptically, he revealed to her that he's "done things he's not proud of" to protect her, and that there are "others" out there that want to hurt her. Obviously, Sylar is on that list of others, but is he implying that there are more people like Sylar that are after the Heroes? And who the heck does Mr. Bennett work for? Regardless, once Claire told Mr. Bennett about her abilities he sent the Haitian out to erase the memories of those that knew. Interestingly, we found out in that process that the Haitian really can talk and that her mother may be dotty simply because her mind's been erased repeatedly. But what is it that the Haitian wants Claire to remember? Maybe in the next episode we'll find out.

Mr. Bennett has dropped hints in the past that he reports to someone else, and this week that was made resoundingly clear as he had to submit to someone else's authority in the handling of Sylar (not named directly in the conversation but strongly implied). I'd like to find out more about his true employers as they were already ahead of Chandra in identifying the Heroes when Chandra first started looking. How did they know? And what are they after? They appear to have helped Isaac, Eden, Matt, and Ted. We don't know what they would have done to Nathan, and we don't know exactly what they want to do with Sylar. It's still a bit ambiguous.

Interestingly, Mr. Bennett was extremely confident that Sylar's powers were blocked while he was in that room, but Sylar was still able to pull Eden through the glass. This begs for explanation, and the best that I can come up with is that the Haitian was actually blocking Sylar's power while Mr. Bennett was there, but that no such protection was available for Eden. That still leaves the question, though, of why Eden was able to "push" Sylar outside of the school and prevent him from attacking her, but she was unable to do the same when she told him to shoot himself. We know that the Haitian was present with Eden when Sylar was captured, so perhaps he was more of a factor than Eden realized. It's just not clear.

Before Eden shot herself (presumably so that Sylar couldn't steal her power), she left Isaac with a cell phone and access card. I said before that this group of Mr. Bennett's appears to have helped Isaac and the others, but he still had to escape from the compound. Interesting. Will Mr. Bennett and the Haitian be in pursuit in the next episode, or will they just let him go? And did anyone else notice that the painting of the fiery man was prominently displayed in this episode?

As for Isaac, he's finally learned that he can use his power without the drugs. No more awkward "Just Say No" commercial spots for NBC. I liked the tie-in with Hiro's comment in the last episode about going back too far and becoming lunch for a T-Rex. Now, Hiro just has to find that sword, but I don't see how it will necessarily help him against a dinosaur. I wonder if the sword will be a family heirloom or something. It's been reported in TV Guide that George Takei (Sulu on Star Trek) is cast to play Hiro's father in an upcoming episode. So, it will be cool if part of that episode (arc?) is the passing on of a samurai sword.

Other than the escape of Isaac and his new painting, Hiro and Ando, were relegated to the back seat for most of this episode. They still get some of the best lines, though, like when Isaac calls to meet them, Hiro comments that it's Destiny calling, and Ando replies, "I wish Destiny would lose our number." That's classic!

During all of this, Peter is sitting in a holding cell while Nathan and his lawyers wrangle to get him released. Now, I think Peter is a classic good guy with a heart of gold, but the boy doesn't have all of his candles lit. This is the third episode where he's surmised that he can take on the powers of those around him, and he's still talking like he's not really sure. I think we need to see him in at a Mensa party so he can take on some intelligence and get past the whole, "Whoa, dude! I feel just like, Neo, when he found out the world wasn't real," act. He's channeling a little too much Keanu for me lately.

Of course, my predictions were correct. Nathan did come down to bail Peter out and Matt came to investigate the Sylar murder. Now, Peter, Nathan, Matt, Claire, Eden, Sylar, Hiro, Isaac, and the Haitian are in the same town. Kind of a convenient way to put them all together, but hey, it's TV. Now for another prediction: Peter will come into contact with Ted and won't be able to control the power. That's what is going to cause Peter to go nuclear. The way to stop it is for Nathan to grab him and fly him away from Ted so that he can get himself back under control. Before all of that, though, we'll need to understand more about what's going on with Peter. I loved the scene between him and Matt while they are reading each other's minds. That was pretty funny. After that scene, though, Peter started looking more and more sickly and he developed a cough. I thought that sitting with Claire might have healed him, but it didn't seem to do any good. Anyone else wondering if the drugs that Matt gave him had some kind of adverse effect on him?

Finally, Niki/Jessica shot D.L. in the shoulder. Having been shot, D.L. was warned enough to be able to allow the second shot to pass through his head. That was a pretty cool special effect. So, D.L. and Micah ran, which I'd have done in the same situation. Niki/Jessica had an argument with herself. The three of them met up again. Jessica hurled Micah into some rocks. Niki came back out and said, "Micah, it's me. Mom." Or something like that, and then they turned into the Cleavers. What a load of crap!

From D.L.'s perspective, his wife has gone completely insane. She's cracked, and her secondary personality is a homicidal maniac that not only wants him dead has actually tried to complete the task by shooting him. From Micah's perspective, his mother is nutty and sometimes she's just mean. Most recently, the mean side fooled him into taking her to D.L. by saying that she was his mother, and the next thing he knows she trying to shoot his dad again and throws him several yards into a pile of rocks. It's completely believable, then, that when Niki comes back out to play and says, "I'm your mother," that Micah is going to believe her. He's never been fooled by that before. Well, except for that time 2 minutes ago just before she tried to kill D.L., and of course, D.L. is going to believe her because the way she says those words makes him forget about the roomful of murdered criminals, the stolen money that she took, the fact that she framed him for crimes she committed, and the danger of her snapping again; she's just so hot when she says that! Guys might be simple, but give me a break. That whole storyline is getting to be pretty ridiculous, and if it weren't for the fact that she really is hot, I'd probably have already started calling for us to vote her off the island.

Now we get a nice long break for the holidays to ponder over what will come next. Until then.

Planes, Trains, and Automobiles

Anyone else love the movie Planes, Trains, and Automobiles as much as I? Probably, since most of us share the same twisted sense of humor. Along those lines, though, I feel like I have now lived a few scenes from that movie.

As many of you know, Dallas received a winter storm last Thursday and Friday. At the same time, I was scheduled to fly to and from Greensboro, North Carolina. My flight on Thursday was scheduled to leave at 6:45am, so I contacted American when I woke at 4am to see if things were still on schedule. They were. After finishing my packing and getting dressed, I headed out into the weather. The storm had not arrived, by then, though, so the roads were in good shape and traffic was minimal. Yes, there's even traffic in the wee hours of a Dallas morning.

Once at the airport, I got checked-in and on the plane with no issues, but we were delayed for take-off. We were made to idle on the de-icing pad for about 45 minutes since the temperature was dropping. They didn't want us picking up any ice on takeoff as we went through the clouds. It took 45 minutes for that process, though, because once the truck finished the plane next to us, they got our left wing done and drove off. The pilot announced over the intercom that the truck had apparently run out of gas and needed to go refuel before they could finish prepping our aircraft. Needless to say, I was about an hour late landing in Greensboro, and my colleagues who flew in after me were about the same margin late as well. We were still in time for our meetings, though, so everything still worked out fine.

The next afternoon, we returned to the Greensboro airport for our return flights. We all checked-in at the same time even though my flight was about 4 hours later than my colleagues. Since there's nothing to do in Greensboro, I was just going to hang out at the airport and watch a movie or play a video game on my PSP. We had to get through the security checkpoint first, though.

I and one of my coworkers made it through with no issues. No such luck for our other travel partner. She was flagged for closer inspection, and as they started rummaging through her purse, they came across hand sanitizer. She was busted for attempting to sneak contraband past security. The germs on that plane have a right to life, and she certainly can't be allowed to bring such a dangerous weapon aboard. It could kill millions….of germs.

The TSA inspector told my coworker that she could take the sanitizer if she could put it in a Ziploc bag. It just so happened that my other coworker had such a bag that she had used to bring her own liquids and gels through security, and since we were standing right there she asked if the hand sanitizer could be in her bag. The TSA inspector said that was okay and handed the sanitizer to my coworker. The inspector never one checked to see if the gel was placed into the bag. She never once asked for the bag to be sent back through screening. She never once thought about it again, and my coworker literally just held the bottle of hand sanitizer in her hand until the inspector was done. Once everything was cleared, she just handed the sanitizer back and it went right back into the purse it had been removed from. Boy, I feel safer now that I know how easy it is get liquids and gels past security.

After all of that, my coworkers were nearly late for their flight, but they managed to get on board just in time. About 10 minutes after their plane left the gate, though, is when my story really began to unfold. An announcement was made throughout the airport for everyone already checked-in for flight xxxx to return to the American ticket counter. Since that was my flight, I headed back to the unsecured section of the airport and the ticket counter.

There were about 5 of us already at the airport and checked-in and we all stood around the counter to hear the news that our flight had just been cancelled. Then the next 45 minutes was spent working with an agent to find any flight with available seating so that we could be rerouted. It was like a bad Christmas movie, or a dull episode of "The Amazing Race." A flight was found from Raleigh, NC that was direct to DFW, but that would require driving. The pregnant lady next to me offered to drive, and I briefly considered the offer. I held out for a better deal, though.

As it turned out there were two Northwest Airlines flights leaving from Greensboro soon that could connect to DFW. One through Memphis and the other through Detroit. I asked the ticketing agent which city had the best odds of clear weather, and she said it was Detroit since Memphis was receiving snow at that very moment. My decision was made. Fly to Detroit with an hour layover then direct to DFW. I would be on the ground by 9pm and home by 10pm. Things didn't work out quite so easily, though.

My flight to Detroit was in a sardine can with four seats across. Two on either side of the aisle. I think the plane was originally designed to only have one seat on either side of the aisle, so we were all nearly sitting in each other's laps with the roof looming only an inch or so above our heads. It was cramped. It wasn't a prop plane, but it was only one step up from one. Add to that the weather that we flew through, so there was a lot of turbulence. Add to that the fact that the pilot couldn't seem to make up his mind whether he wanted to be above, below, or in the clouds. Add to that the fact that the pilot couldn't decide how fast he wanted to fly. Add to that the fact that the guy sitting next to me was trying to get home to Oak Lawn (that's where Boy George would live if he were a DFW resident) and just wanted a "hand to hold." (this request was not accommodated) And then put a screaming 2 year old right on the top. The perfect way to start my trip home.

It got better, though, as we started to descend into Detroit, I realized that we were going to be landing about an hour late, and I only had a little over an hour layover scheduled in Detroit. The flight attendant assured me that every flight in America was at least an hour late, so there would certainly not be an issue with me catching my connecting flight. The flight attendant was incorrect. We landed at gate E6 and I checked with the agent at the end of the gangway and she informed me that my connecting flight was leaving from A71, it was on time, and that I had just 10 minutes to get there. When I inquired as to the fastest way to get there, I learned that the Detroit airport does not have a tram system to connect gates and terminals quickly. She said simply, "Run."

Run I did. All the way. With my laptop in my backpack. I ran around kids, old people, up escalators, down escalators, through a tunnel, across moving sidewalks. Finally, out of breath, I arrived at A71 with less than five minutes to spare. The agent told me that they were just getting ready to close the doors and that I had made it just in time. I told her that I had left a few others behind, so she might want to wait a little bit longer.

Thankfully, this flight was 3 large seats each on either side of the aisle, and I only had one other person sitting my three section of the row. We split the seat between us and had plenty of room to stretch out. The wind, though, was horrific. During takeoff, I swear the plane yawed sideways. The pilot did a great job keeping it level, and we were soon to a smooth cruising altitude all the way to DFW.

Our landing at DFW was little later than they anticipated. I was on the ground at about 9:30pm, and then I had to wait on luggage, the tram to terminal B, and find my truck again. After all that and my drive home, it was about 10:45pm. Not as good as my original plan, but it was better than spending the night on an airplane or in an airport.

PSP – Playstation Porn-Able

Hopefully, you all know that the PSP is actually called a Playstation Portable, but apparently, it’s getting a new nickname in certain circles since it features a web browser. Once teenage boys figured that out, which I’m sure took all of about 3 seconds, it was a short hop to internet porn sites. Like home computers, PSP should be restricted from any adolescent young man for fear of him going blind. If you don’t know what that means, then you probably haven’t ever been a teenage boy, and you’ll have to email me to get an explanation.

I didn’t even realize that this was a prevalent issue until I ran across this article (http://www.nbc5i.com/technology/10421419/detail.html?rss=dfw&psp=nationalnews) today. I have a PSP, so I definitely knew that it had an internet browser. I just didn’t know about this particular issue. I’m not surprised, though, I led a small group of teenage boys for five years. The topic of discussion changed every week, but we always managed to talk about girls and sex anyway. So what makes this newsworthy? I have no idea. I only bring it up here because I caught one line that made me laugh out loud:

“A Minnesota boy got in trouble when he brought his PSP to school loaded with pictures of naked women…”

If the line stopped there, it wouldn’t be all the humorous. We’re all in agreement at this point that the boy needs to be punished, counseled, and his PSP confiscated (though we may disagree on what needs to be done with the pictures). Unfortunately, that is not where the line ends. Here it is in its entirety.

“A Minnesota boy got in trouble when he brought his PSP to school loaded with pictures of naked women he downloaded from the school’s computer.”

Wow! First this made me laugh. Then it made me start thinking of all the obvious questions that need to be asked in a situation like this. Was the boy in trouble for having the pictures on his PSP, or for taking them from the school? Was he hitting the principal’s secret porn stash? Would he have gotten in trouble if he was only looking through the school’s porn library and not stealing the porn from them? And, finally, what in the world kind of school does this kid go to that they have porn on their computers?

In the boy’s defense, he’s quoted as saying, “Once the pictures were on it, I turned it off right away after I did that.” Now, I don’t want to drag everyone into the gutter with my deranged little mind, but this is a young boy we’re talking about. Doesn’t this quote just beg the question of what exactly he’s referring to when he says, “I turned it off…”? Is he talking about the PSP or something else? Is this kid going to end up blind? Probably. And he’s likely to have carpal tunnel syndrome, too, if he doesn’t change schools soon.

Wife Killer

Some people are legendary in their ability to evade the law and get away with murder. Literally. Think about O.J. Simpson. Everyone knows he is guilty even though he got off, and now he’s publishing a book and a television interview where he can tell the world exactly how he masterminded this plan. The best part of which I’m not even sure he could foresee. He’s getting paid millions to confess to a crime that he can’t be prosecuted for. Ain’t America great?

While I’d have to give O.J. an A+ in criminal studies for pulling this stunt off, there are plenty of other C- students of villainy out there. Notably, a man in Allen, right here in my neck of the woods, who reportedly hired a hit man to kill his pregnant wife. For the full details of the article click here, and for my commentary just keep reading.

So, this guy hires a hit man to kill his pregnant wife. Aside from trying to figure out what kind of person would be both heartless enough to kill a pregnant woman and brave enough to try, let’s just examine the kind of person that was hired. According to the news report, the wife found the hit man in her bedroom, and he did not try to kill her. We don’t know why. We just know that he didn’t. Apparently, he explained to the woman that her husband had hired him and that he just came over to warn her. Think about that for a sec.

If you’re a hit man with a heart do you take the job and then tell your intended target that you took the job? Apparently, he’s even cooperating with police. I’m sure that when they get done with this investigation, though, they’ll be asking, “So what made this guy think to hire you? What else have you done that we haven’t caught you for?” Every good hit man wants to be right in the middle of the police’s radar screen. Where did this guy learn to be a crook?

And let’s not forget that this hit man with a heart was discovered in her bedroom. Why did he have to add breaking and entering to the list of crimes he was going to admit to? Why not just call her on the phone? Knock on the door? Hire a sky writer? Anything besides committing yet another crime. Of course, I suppose that you could say it wasn’t breaking and entering since the husband left the door unlocked before he headed to New Mexico. That’s essentially an invitation for the man to enter the house, but why didn’t the wife lock the door? My wife checks every door and window in the house twice a day or more when I’m out of town, and she’s not even pregnant.

So, now we’ve got a guy that breaks into a lady’s bedroom, claims he was paid by her husband to kill her, claims that he only took the job so that no one else (presumably someone that would actually kill her) could, and intends to cooperate fully with police. But what about the guy that hired him? He fled to New Mexico.

What in the world is in New Mexico? Did he run out of money after he put out the hit on his wife? Is this guy so stupid that not only can he not hire a competent hit man, but he also can’t flee to somewhere with no extradition treaty? Forget extradition treaty. He can’t even get out of the country? I hear the real Mexico is a straight line south from Dallas. A few pesos to the local police and you could disappear there for a while. At least until Dog the Bounty Hunter gets of Mexican jail and hunts your butt down. No, this guy ran to New Mexico. I wouldn’t be surprised if he were at his mother’s house telling her all about his grand plan. Idiot.

Am I the only guy in America that has ever seen an episode of “Without a Trace,” “CSI: [insert city here],” “Law & Order: [insert subtitle here],” “Matlock,” “Cold Case,” etc.? Everybody knows the first person they are coming after is the spouse whether the hit man blames him or not, and God forbid you left semen anywhere. Ever. Those crime lab guys get a hold of that or a pubic hair and they can link you to the last major extinction of dinosaurs. “I got a pube. Let’s do a computer model. The killer is obviously 5’7” about 185 lbs. and speaks with a lisp. He was wearing a red t-shirt and flip flops and he didn’t brush his teeth. Let’s put out an APB.” It’s crazy what kind of info they can get from that stuff.

The best, though, in this whole story, is the neighbor. First she says of the wife, “She was just so full of life…” Does this neighbor not realize that the wife lived? The hit man sucks and her husband is a moron. The wife is full of life. Then she says, “…[I] can’t imagine…how she got out of there.” Is this lady in the same story I’m reading? I think it was pretty easy. After the hit man got done calling the police on himself, she just walked right out the front door.

Six Months Ago

I wasn’t really impressed by this episode, but I did enjoy a few moments. Read below for my thoughts:

We finally got to meet Sylar, and it seems that IMDB.com was incorrect. Several weeks ago, they had listed that Sean Bean was cast to play Paul Sylar, and of course, last night we learned that the actual actor in that role is Zach Quinto. If he looks familiar, then you probably saw him on 24. Here’s the deal, though, what is Sylar’s real power? It seemed like he consumed the telekinetic power of the guy he killed. Is that what happened? And did he really see something “wrong” with that guy? Is that why he’s after Charlie (the waitress)? Is it because she’s sick? So many questions.

Apparently, Mr. Bennett has been looking for heroes longer than Chandra has known that they are around, too, which is really pretty interesting. Who does Mr. Bennett work for? I don’t think that he’s working on his own. Also, do you think that the Haitian’s power is what protected Mr. Bennett from Eden’s powers? Which, by the way, got her a pretty sweet ride.
Matt’s storyline was pretty lame. He just ended up eating donuts and failing the detective’s exam. Big deal.

Claire’s story was somewhat interesting. She first discovered that something might be amiss with her healing abilities, but she didn’t seem really curious yet.

The Niki/Jessica plot was goofy. She comes across more now as a split personality psycho rather than a hero, and why couldn’t we see D.L. learn about his power or Micah discover his. Why was Micah taking that computer apart in the first place, and why did Niki’s dad leave when he saw it? Was he just too tempted to beat Micah to death right there? That scene just wasn’t very well performed.

Nathan and Peter were somewhat interesting. Nathan because he seemed to fly; I say seemed to because it was all in Peter’s dream. Which makes this the second time that Peter has had a prophetic dream. Well, I guess technically, it’s the first time that we know of when you look at it from a correct timeline perspective, but either way, he’s done it twice now that we know of. Is this a secondary power of Peter’s? And assuming that Nathan really flew, don’t you think that his wife wonders where he went when he just disappeared from the driver’s seat? And why did their father’s death change their minds about going after Linderman? They were are all ready to lay it down and “stab their father in the back” as they said, and then they found out he died, and now Nathan is getting in bed with the guy. I really don’t understand what changed there. Were they scared that he would come after them or their mother next?

Finally, Hiro and Ando are back together again. Unfortunately, he can’t save Charlie no matter how he tries, but he doesn’t tell us if it continues to fail to save her from Sylar or if he continues to fail to save her from her aneurysm. At least he’s back with Ando, though, and they can now move on to find Peter, Claire, and the others. And again, I’m not even going to open the door to all the questions of continuity that are brought about by the time travel. I will, however, tell you that I wonder why Hiro couldn’t “jump” from the roof of his office building in Japan? Does he have to “recharge” after a while? Or was his concentration broken at that point? What was the deal?

I welcome your thoughts.

Can We Keep It?

After Lucky died, Abbie presented a hypothetical situation to Leah. She wondered whether we could keep a stray dog if we happened to find one. Leah responded that we would only do that if the dog didn’t have a collar, and we could not find its owner. This turns out to be similar to the time that I told the kids they could have a rabbit if they could catch it. That was a big mistake because my next conversation was about how the cotton tail rabbit they caught would die if we kept it in a cage, and wouldn’t you know that they also managed to find a dog with no collar.

We arrived at Mother’s Wednesday evening after a very long drive in thick traffic, and we were tired and ready for a rest. About ten minutes after we got there, though, Abbie came bounding through the door, “Guess what! Guess what! I found a dog without a collar! Can we keep it?” Apparently, a stray beagle had been hanging around Mother’s for the past few weeks, and Mother didn’t want the children to encourage it too much because she didn’t want the dog to think it lived there. The kids did encourage it, though.

They fed it. They watered it. They chased it around the yard for the four days that we were there, and they managed to get me to put it in the van when we left yesterday. They named the dog Dixie, and she now lives at our house. So far, she’s been a great dog. She’s really quiet, and the kids love her. We still need to get her checked out by the vet to make sure that there are not any major issues, but I think we may have a new pet.

Homecoming

It didn’t quite live up to the hype, but who really expected it to? Television advertisements and previews tend to be so misleading that I hardly ever pay much attention to them. So, I was not surprised that we never really found out what “Save cheerleader. Save the world,” is really all about despite all the ads that promised that revelation. Regardless, the episode was still pretty solid. Highlight below to see my comments and thoughts:

The boy in Mohinder’s dreams is supposed to be a spirit guide of some sort. What does that mean? I guess it means that he can communicate with the dead rather than that he’s met Sylar. I suppose that’s good on one hand, but on the other it seems a little cheesy to me. And his dialog was rather stilted. I’m happy that Mohinder found the list and that he’s getting back in the game; I just wish that they hadn’t made it such a corny set of events to get him there.

Of course, I also wonder about the man that was trying to talk Mohinder out of seeing the boy. Why is he so bent on keeping Mohinder from continuing his father’s research? Based on the dream sequence that Mohinder had near the end of the episode, his dad saw the same boy and had the same conversations with the same man. If I were that man, I would start to think that either both father and son have the same genetic anomaly that’s making them crazy, or that there really is a boy out there that can enter people’s dreams. On one hand, I’m seeking medical attention for them, and on the other, I’m trying to help. Why is he not doing either?

We know now, for sure, that Micah knows about Jessica. Previously, we got that impression, but this week he actually called her by name. Interesting. He even convinced D.L. to go back to help her. I wonder if they’ll ever make it. The final scene implied that Jessica actually shot D.L.

The meat of the episode was wrapped up in Claire’s story, though. We saw that Nathan really was lying to Peter about the painting and that he had actually purchased it from Mr. Linderman. Apparently, Nathan is protecting Peter, though, by not showing him the painting. I’m still not sure that Nathan is really a good guy. Of course, Simone came through and showed Peter the painting, or at least the digital photo of it since Nathan ruined the original, and Peter set off to save Claire.

I thought it was pretty interesting that Sylar didn’t know for sure who had powers and that he actually killed the wrong cheerleader. That tells me that he doesn’t have any kind of super-hero radar, he’s just working from a list. Probably the same list that Chandra generated and that Mohinder stumbled onto at the end of the episode. I really hoped that Peter would use Sylar’s powers against him, but I guess Peter’s not ready for that yet. I did think that it was cool that Peter got to use Claire’s power to heal himself, though.

Sylar seemed to get away, though, until he ran into Eden and the Haitian in the woods. Which, by the way, don’t really exist in Odessa, TX. It was pretty cool to see Eden use her power, and now, Mr. Bennett has Sylar. Can he keep him, though? It should be interesting.

Nathan will probably have to fly out there to bail Peter out of jail, and Hiro is already there. Of course, Matt will come out to investigate the murder that fits Sylar’s M.O., and he’ll figure out that Peter is like him. I can see them really starting to come together in the next couple of episodes.

I noticed a couple of other little items, too. One, a Battlestar Galactica t-shirt. It has nothing to do with the show, just kind of fun product placement and a free ad for NBC’s SciFi channel series. By the way, if you are not watching BSG, you are missing out on the best series on television. Heroes is nothing by comparison. Two, the new painting from Isaac. In the brief glimpse that we got, it appears to be a man on fire, but not on fire like he’s being consumed, more like he’s a human torch. This could be a hero that we haven’t met yet, but I’m guessing right now that it’s Ted (nuclear man).

Let me know what you thought.

How Many Teachers Does it Take to Navigate Houston?

Apparently, none. Just call an Aggie.

Here’s the story as best as I can tell from my experience. Caci was invited (or required) to attend a teacher’s conference in Houston this weekend, and she was set to stay at the InterContinental Hotel in Houston. Driving with a fellow teacher, she headed south armed with a gritty determination and directions from Aunt Patti. Let me be really clear here, I never saw the directions from Aunt Patti, and they were not ever read to me over the phone, so I can’t speak intelligently about the quality of that manuscript. I can speak from my own experience, though, and say that I’ve never gotten lost following Aunt Patti’s directions, so my assumption must be that they were correct, complete, and valid. UPDATE: I just got a call from Caci, as I am working on this post, and she informed me that the real issue was not with directions written by Aunt Patti, but that they were following Aunt Patti and got separated. Caci went the right way and Aunt Patti went the wrong way. That seems a little suspicious to me, but you judge for yourself after you read the events of this past Friday.

Once in Houston, a dilemma quickly became apparent. The directions indicated that Caci should take Exit 9A from I-610 South, but Caci was on I-610 East. “What to do? Turn around? Well, that would just put us on I-610 West,” reasoned Caci, “and I remember from that geography class I taught my kids once that East and West are not the same as North and South. Or was it that North and South are not the same as East and West? I get so confused with directions. I need a better solution.” After quickly conferring with the passengers, they agreed that reinforcements needed to be called in, so avoiding the gaze of any police officers, the cell phone was dialed.

Ring…Ring...Okay, my phone was actually on vibrate, so it was more like…bzzz…bzzz….oohh….bzzz…bzzz….ahhh….bzzzz….bzzzzz….mmmm……Ahem. Sorry. I hope there are no kids reading this.

Seriously, Leah answered the phone as I was in the other room getting ready to go shopping: my favorite thing to do on my Friday off. Caci was calling to find out if I knew where Exit 9A off of I-610 South was located. Since I was not able to talk at the time, Leah offered to get on the computer and try to guide Caci by reading the map for her. Now, please remember that I love my wife dearly. She’s the mother of my children, and the best wife in the world. She’s always trying to help people in need, and I think that’s an awesome attribute. She can’t read a map to save her life, though. Seriously, you might as well ask her to try and cook using a recipe written in hieroglyphics. You’d probably get boiled pig turds or something, and when you ask her to read a map for you, you end up in the wrong country. The only way that she can figure out where to go, is to put the map on the ground and stand on it. “Get in the map,” as she says, and that’s pretty hard to do with a computer screen. Leah knows this about herself, but she’s just so keen on trying to help, that she had to give it a try.

Thankfully, I finished getting dressed quickly, and made it upstairs before any real damage had been done. By now, the teacher-mobile was headed South on I-610, and they were really getting confused. How can I-610 East be the same road as I-610 South? They hadn’t yet made the connection that, like most major cities in America, a three-digit interstate is really just a loop (or half-loop in some cases): I-220 in Shreveport, I-635 in Dallas, I-610 in Houston. I was on the case, though, and I found San Felipe (the road they were supposed to exit on), pretty quickly. If they had gone west instead of east when they first exited I-610, they’d be at the hotel already. “So, should we turn around?” Caci queried.

I assured them, that if they stayed on their current path, they would soon be on I-610 West and then I-610 North. Caci asked several times, just to be sure, if she needed to get on a different road for all of that happen, and I guaranteed, through the passenger that was actually dialoging with me, that the road would curve on its own. Soon, the road curved to the west, and then to the north again. Yes, I was on the phone with them this whole time. Then finally, the hotel was visible on the left, and Caci let me go. Later, I called to ensure that she had actually found her way to the hotel and she happily shared that she was already in her room. Whew! I guess sometimes it pays to call an Aggie.

Speaking of paying to call an Aggie, what do you do when you’re a math teacher that can’t figure out a math problem? Of course, you call an Aggie, and this is the second year in a row that I’ve been called on this particular math problem, so I’ll post here for all to enjoy:

You buy a horse for $60.
You sell the horse for $70.
You buy the horse back for $80.
You sell the horse again for $90.
Did you make or lose money? How much?

Interestingly, the correct answer to this problem is not shared at the conference. I guess that makes it more challenging for the teachers if they don’t know for sure that they are doing math correctly, but after hearing the responses of the other teachers in the room, I want Caci to provide me a list of their names because none of them are allowed to teach my kids math. Everyone needs a challenge in life, but it shouldn’t be learning math from someone who can’t add. Thankfully, Caci agreed with my answer for the second year in a row, so I must be right, but I guess we’ll never know for sure.

Now, Caci is headed home, after another phone call to me. You read above how she called right in the middle of me writing this. Yep, she needed directions to get home. I told her to just go back I-610 North from the hotel and then get on whichever highway she took to get to Houston. The only problem with that plan is that she doesn’t know which highway she used to get to Houston in the first place. An educated guess is that it was Highway 59, so she’s headed north on 59 right now. Hopefully, she makes it home okay, but I’m keeping the phone close all day just in case.